Pug Uglies

(Posted to Craigslist by Tug Peters)

I got a fresh litter of St Bernard pups sired by Satan's Lil Helper, the bitch is Captain Ferrari's Momma Duke, litter born on Christmas day. Papers are all in order. Pups should be weened by friday. Good stock, gonna be monsters. Will trade for paintball guns, army surplus items, knives, homemade butter and ice cream, dirtbikes. respond by email...these pups won't last...

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The pics look like pugs. Do you have the wrong doggies?
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Dear Craig

These pups are most certainly St Bernards, didn't you read the part about them having their papers in order? Please take a moment to read and review the follow excerpts from the Wikipede:

The St. Bernard is a very large breed of working dog from the Italian and Swiss Alps, originally bred for rescue. The breed has become famous through tales of alpine rescues, as well as for its large size.

The pug is a "toy" (very small) breed of dog with a wrinkly, short-muzzled face, and curled tail. Pug puppies are often called puglet

These pups are big Swiss Italiano rescue workers not TOYS!!!! You don't know nothing.
So do you have any paintball guns to trade or what?
I've attached more photos.

PS I know it was you that flagged me....you broke my heart Craig

Tug

Hampster Balls

Used hamster ball. So your hamster can safely run around a room .
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Dear Craig

How much you want for them Hampster Balls? You looking for trades? I got some old kitchen cabinets, a suzuki 4 wheeler (runs/no title), or 2 cases home-canned green beans. Can these Hapster Balls compasitate gerbils or guinnea pigs as well? What color? How many batteries they got?

Thanks friend
Tug

But then I got High...

HIGH TIMES MAGAZINES;
1975 to 1980 all in mint condition
Interveiw with;
Andy Warhol about Campbell's Soup
Paper Dolls & The Death Of Art
Interveiw with;
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson on;
Jimmy Carters Cocaine @ Gonzo Journalism
Interveiw with;
Blondie The Marilyn Monroe of Punk Rock
plus many more stories to many to list
my printer is down right now but i can send pics or text pics for you
to find out more give us a call today at
(***)***-****
THANKS
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Dear Craig

How's it, Bro? I found your post about the High Times mags today and then I found your post so I thought about are these magazines in mint condish? I have been an avid collector of High Times for almost of the time and I really like High Times magazine I've collected it for years. Could you tell me which issue numbers,months, how many magazines, title, issues, editions, months, maker, model or vin number for the Econoline. How many miles to the gallon? Is there a bench seat or captains chairs? Will you take trades? Do you have the title, is it a salvage title? What is the title for the article about Andy Warhol and the Campbell's soup because I think High Times interviewed Warhol twice in 1976. Is this a complete collection from 75 to 80 or are you missing issues? What are you asking for them? Thanks bro

Tug

Peace out Lizardface

Selling a chiness water dragon 1 and a half years of age. 75 gallon tank with lights and salt/freash water filter.
Comes with stand can be used with fish. Asking $130 for tank. The lizard loves to be held, clime, and swim. Not asking alot for the lizard. Can make a deal or trade for lizard. You can reach me at ***-***-**** text or call. only calls after 3 pm on weekdays. Texts are fine.
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Dear Craig

I'm inquiring about the lizard. Is that a male or female, and how big approx in ounces? I'm looking to mate my male dragon...or possibly fight him with another male. If you're not sure about the gender you can smell between their legs, the boys smell like peanuts, and the ladies just smell like a lizard. Also does that tank come with a filter and stand?
I've attached a picture so you know just where to smell.

Thanks

Tug

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Its a male and why would you have them fight? It has a stand and fliter not sure wat kind of filter just know its for salt/freash water filter. Any other ?s plz call or text me at ***-***-****
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Craig

Excellent...I was really hoping for a male. I'd rather fight him than breed him. So you must have done the smell test to make sure. It smells just like Planter's Peanuts right? I'm also super stoked to hear that there is a stand and "wat fliter" I think those are generally pretty expensive. Now the reason I am emailing you again is because my phone doesn't text or make calls, I can only e-mail from it. I did notice that you forgot to approximate a weight in ounces for me, not to be a stickler, but I really need to know. That way when I'm taking wagers for the fight I'll know what kind of odds to give. You can't believe how happy I am to finally get a fight lined up for my dragon. So please don't sell the little shit to anyone else, e-mail me back with the weight and we are in business. By the way if you can't approximate the weight, then just check with your dealer and borrow his scales, everybody that owns a lizard has a dealer, am I right?

Peace out Lizardface
Tug

The Time Traveling Alchemist

We are currently recruiting for an experienced Welder for a busy, well-established
Springfield, OH Manufacturer.

REQUIREMENTS:
Minimum 3-5 Years on job Welding Experience.
Blueprint reading.
Ability to read instructions from shop packet.
Interpret Weld Symbols
Read Measuring Tape.
Use lift trucks and overhead hoist (will train).
Use Power & Air Tools.
Experience Welding low pressure vessels helpful.
Responsible for doing own set-ups and material handling.
Pass welding test.
High School Diploma or GED.
Safety Shoes/boots & Safety Glasses MUST be worn at all times.
40 Hour work week w/ Overtime as needed.
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Dear Craig

I am writing you to inquire as to the employment opening that you have transcribed on the intraweb site Craigslist. This letter shall serve as both my resume and my letter of intent for said position as an experienced Welder, although I myself am not an experienced Welder, I do still plead with you, Sir, that you will take the time to read my plea and afterward deliberate as to the validity of my concerns, and then I pray that you will take sympathy and show compassion and understanding in my time of distress.
Though I am not a Welder, Sir, I do have a great many skill, that both in labor and that of knowledge and critical thinking. I beg you, Sir, what I am about to divulge in these next few lines, though ludacris as one may find it, is surely and verily the honest truth. I, Sir, am a wayward time traveler. I have been cast through time and space by a sorcerer's enchantment, and though I do possess the skills of magic and science, my attempts to return to my own time have been fruitless and futile. I have succomed to the realization that I most likely shall never return to my time and my Kingdom. I plead, Sir, that I may find myself gainfully employed under your command and in turn I may find compensation through the means of food and shelter. As previously stated, I do possess skills of magic and science, in my time I served the King as his foremost alchemist, studing various metals and attempting to create gold from these less precious stones. I believe that my skills, as such, may very well lend themselves to the trade of a Welder. Please, Sir, take pity in your soul and find yourself swayed by my plight. I do also possess Safety boots and glasses.

Good Tidings
Tug

Dixie Land Delite

Hello there I have a civil war cannon 1/4 scale replica. I paid 3000.00 and trust me this thing is exact down to the barrel. Asking 1000.00 obo. Call text email for pics
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Dear Craig

Why don't you burn it to the ground just like General Sherman did to the beautiful South, you stupid Yankee

Tug

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Who is Craig ?
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Dear Craig

Well I reckon that you are a Craig if you are posting on a List for Craig's ie: Craig's List....and you're also a danged ol Yankee SOB ain'tcha?
And your precious General William Tecumseh Sherman ain't nothing but a pantywaste. Don't you see we're talking state's rights here, you damned Yankee Federalist

Dixie Forever
Tug
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Are you a f***ing nutt case ?
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Craig

I have attached a pic of the Dixie Flag pooping on yer cannon.....so you tell me who's a f***ing nut case?

Tug

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Quit mailing me or I will contact the police

Son of a, Son of a Bitch

2 Jimmy Buffett Concert DVDs - Rare, 1984 & 1985 Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefer Band performing live on dvds:

1984 - Austin City Limits, TX - 1 hour, Pro-Shot - Excellent quality dvd
1985 - Miami, FL - Marine Stadium, 1 hour, Pro-Shot - Excellent quality dvd

Great shows, Jimmy plays all of his familiar hits such as Margaritaville, Cheesburger in Paradise, Fins, Son of a Son of a Sailor, Changes in Latitudes, Come Monday, Volcano, He Went to Paris, and many more.
$8 total, Paypal preferred, money orders & checks ok too.
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Dear Craig

I was just relaxing and keeping it real mellow when I came across your ad for 2 Jimmy Buffett DVDs. I'm in the market for just such a product, and I've just got a few quick questions for ya: Do either of these DVDs contain rare footage of Jimmy Buffett getting mad and punching a waiter? I have heard that this occured and is on film somewhere. Does Jimmy sing that one song of his about smoking weed and eating cheetos on the beach? How much gratuitous nudity is involved? How many Kenny Chesney songs are on this motion picture concert event? Does Kenny Chesney make any sort of guest appearance? Do you have any Kenny Chesney DVDs? Which is more appropriate attire for a luau, a puka shell necklace or a tie dyed sarong? Is it really always 5 o'clock somewhere?
Thanks so much friend I look foward to a speedy response and your answers to these very important questions.

Son of a son of a bitch
Tug Peters

attached you will find a photo of myself in a coconut bra...it's just for fun

Abe Lincat

A portrait of your pet in water colors, Ink or Oils. Over 40 years professional experience in painting all types of domestic and wild animals, architectural renderings, landscapes, even humans. Portraits, illustration, murals, logos, etc. Reasonable rates for exceptional original artwork
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Dear Craig

I have been searching for a way to capture the likeness of my best friend, Barncat Lilly, for some time now. I have sought out numerous artists and they have either refused the job or not returned my phone calls. I assure you that although Barncat Lilly maybe somewhat homely, she is deeply loved and I wish to commerate her life. I have attached a photo. Could you please respond with your rates. I look foward to your reply.

Thank You
Tug

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Well, I have to say it is a rather "unusual" looking cat.  I work in water colors mainly and a head study in 11 x 14 is $250.00 plus shipping and insurance.  I can do a cat slightly smaller than 11 x 14....say 9 x 12 as they are smaller animals and that would go for $200.00.  I would need the photograph sent to me as I cannot print color pictures from this computer.  My home computer is down so I have to use the one here at the library.  I require a minimum 1/2 deposit when you send the photo or photos and the balance plus shipping (I will relate that when I know what size painting you want) when it is done and prior to it being mailed.  The usual turn around time is approximately one week if I have no others before you.  The closer it gets to Christmas the busier I get and the longer it may take.  The mail is slower as well.  I ship Priority and insured for the full amount.  I can mail Express if you prefer and don't mind the additional cost.  You can e-mail your response and I can give you the address to mail the photo and check to if you want to commission the portrait.  I am an equal opportunity artist and would not turn down a loved pet just because it wasn't "pretty".  I will not be back to check my e-mail until Monday.

Sincerely,
Pam **********************************************************************************
Dear Craig

I apologize for the delay in responding to your e-mail...Things have been very hectic around my home due to the Druid Holiday season of winter solstice. I hope this email finds you enjoying a very pagean solstice. I've been staying very true to the Druid belief of a gluten free diet and spending much of my day out of my tunic, feeling free and nude. Praise be to the Earth. How odd that you also use the computers at the library. Our laptop was confiscated during a trumped up investigation last year. Myself and my lover, Hoggy, are conducting our own legal counsel, the wheels of justice turn oh so slow. Long story short, I too use the public library for my correspondence, I have found that it is much harder for Big Brother to follow you as such. In regards to the painting comission of Barncat Lilly, I must say that your prices, while fair, are substantially higher than I had expected. Is there any chance that you might be able to paint a wallet sized photo for 1/2 the price of a 9x12. I kid. I think I would prefer the 11x14. Now is it possible to add lettering and possibly accessories that are not in the pic. I have attached a pic illustrating what I mean. I would be willing to add 10% to the previously agreed upon price. Please let me know.

You Admirer

Tug

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This is not really my "thing"....I have yet to determine if you are serious or if this is just some kind of absurd joke.  I have given you my prices for a legitimate portrait and I have no problem painting "ugly" animals.  However I am not going to get into whatever it is you have going on here.  I am  not interested in continuing this conversation.

respectfully,

PF

Naked Yoda

Enjoy this spiritual experience in the comfort of your own home via skype! With over 15 years of experience in yoga, I would like to offer you this exciting and truly spiritual opportunity of an online nude yoga class. The attractive, slim, and fit female instructor will teach the class entirely nude and participants are encouraged to free themselves as well. Currently, I have openings for private one hour sessions for only $50! Contact Nadia at (***) ***-**** for further information! You must be 18 years old to participate.

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Dear Craig

I am a huge Star Wars fan, so of course your post intrigued me right of the bat. I mean sure, I've often wondered what Yoda might look like nude. Who hasn't thought about that little green Jedi master in the buff, talking his mixed up singsong. Now just so we are clear on this, Yoda will be doing full frontal, right? And no tuck job? So what's the plan, I just download Skypewalker and give you $50 and next thing I know it's green weins and Jedi bush? I can't wait to hear from you

Tug

Dirtbag Scheister

Dear Craig

I was really interested in the 2005 Chrysler Town & Country Touring van you listed on your Craigslist page...that is until I saw the price...I just did a KBB on one of these that only had 75000 miles and more options and they recommended $8900 if in excellent condition...You're asking $12995. Is yours in better than excellent condition, or does it shit gold bullion? WTF...why are you trying to pull a fast one on me Smokey? You're trying to play possum but this dog don't hunt, you got me? Please explain why you are such a dirtbag schiester.

Tug
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Hey Tug,

You may want to re-learn how to use KBB. The vehicle pricing you looked up was on Private Party. This would be someone selling it from in front of their home, someone that does not have the ability to run it through their service department and fix things that might be wrong with it. We, however are a dealership and have done all of this and this is why we charge Retail for the things that we sell. If you would have looked under the Retail portion you would have seen that the KBB pricing is well over 11000.00. This means I have negotiating room doesnt it??? Before you call people names you may want to know what you are talking about!!

Jason.

Btw if you had taken the time to read the ad you would have seen it was not Craig but Jason
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Craig

I'm not buying your excuses for one second... I smell a dirty rat. I use KBB all the time and I'm pretty much an expert at. Not to mention everyone that works in a service department is on drugs. They couldn't fix a pee wee football game. I think you're trying to run some kinda racket, my friend. I'm on to you and your price gouging schemes. You can't "negotiate" your way outta this one, bud. So you might as well admit that you're a scheister.

Best Regards
Tug Peters
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Expert,

If you were an expert you would have known that you were in the private party portion looking up a retail unit. Although I find this quite comical I am not going to argue about it, it is a mute point as I dont think you were really interested in buying a Van in the first place.

Good Luck,
Jason
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Craig

You are really beating this "private party" nonsense like a dead horse, I understand what you are trying to say but you really just sound assinine, my friend. I really didn't want to write you back because when I read your e-mails, in my head you sound like Moe Sizlack the homely barkeep from the Simpsons, and it's quite repulsive to read your words. However I feel that I must correct you so that you will not further embarrass yourself in future correspondence, it is moot point, not "mute point". A mute point would be a point that someone who does not (sp)possesive the gift of speech is trying to convey, like if the Deaf Dumb and Blind kid from the Who's "Pinball Wizard" song was trying to impress upon you just how bad ass he is at pinball, that would be a mute point, because he cannot speak. I found it quite comical that you didn't know the correct usage of that saying, especially when you were trying your best to be smug and think yourself superior to me. I also find it comical that a scheister used car salesman would think himself superior to anyone. So when can I stop in and test drive this Town and Country...I like the price.

Still wasting your time
Tug Peters
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Mr. Tug,

You must have tugged one too many times on your Peter while typing your last message. Your spelling and Grammar check on your computer missed one for you and is making you look just as ignorant as me being the scheister that I am. I have howver taken the liberty to copy and paste your mistakes so that you no longer make that same mistake in the future, I would not want someone to point out your flaws as you have pointed out mine. Thank you by the way.
" mute point would be a point that someone who does not possesive the gift of speech is trying to convey"
In the future you would want to say "who does not posess the gift of speech"
You can come in any time you wish to test drive the Van, just ask for Craig !
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Craig

You ever noticed how the words Touche and Douche are only one letter off? Touche' Douche.

Tug

The Gift of Eagle Vision

Denver CO

I have a 95 Eagle Vision for sale. It has 95 thousand miles on it, turquoise, runs smoothly,salvage title, just had all the oils changed on it. I'm selling it because we've had it for a while and we are having money problems. I'll sell it for 1100 or best offer.

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Dear Craig

I have to tell you, your ad was a bit confusing, however I am very interested in this "Eagle Vision" that you speak of. I have a few questions. Is the process of obtaining "Eagle Vision" similar to that of Lasix Eye Surgery? Or does it involve drinking the yoke of a fertilized egg? Is this rooted in Cherokee Nation witchcraft?Does this process result in night vision capabilities, or does "Eagle Vision" simple refer to a heightened sense of depth perception? Are there any side effects, such as, feather grow, unwanted and abrupt sqwuaking or screeching? When you said "it has 95 thousand miles", is that the max compasities of how far you can see, and is that the same for everyone? Oils? Is there a special lubricant that you must keep on your eyeballs, and if so how often do you apply and how much does that cost? What is your success rate? Will I have to register with the Justice League? If I have already undergone x-ray vison surgery, are there any contraindications for "Eagle Vision"? Thanks for your time, I will probably think of more things to ask you, if so I will shoot you another e-mail. If I don't hear from you, it's no problem, I'll try to e-mail you again and again, I think sometimes the intrawebs doesn't work right.

Super Friends Unite
Tug Peters

PS- what's with the pics of that crappy car? weird.

Mattress Royale

Some where in the tundra of Canada

hi there,
are u looking to get rid of one? i'm trying to find one but have no extra cash. (really) if yours is CLEAN and in GOOD condition, i would be so grateful to pick it up!

(no dirty/stained/yucky, bed bugs thanks.)
thanks, i'm looking forward to a good reply :-)
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Dear Craig

You are in luck my friend, I may have just what you are looking for. My name is Tug and I run a backyard wrastling clinic every sunday at my ranch, well not an actual ranch, you know just a one story house. We have quite a few extra mattresses. After a a few dozen pyle drives, and a couple ten or more suplexes, these things start caving in and flattening out. However they are great for sleeping on, sure beats the cold floor, which I'm sure is all you've got right now, right? Anyways, they do have some staining issues, because of the use of tiny razor blades and barbwire. I would recommend trying the late great Billy Mays' OxyClean for the blood stains. But I can assure you that there are no bed bugs, possibly just some body lice, ie: crabs, not sure if the OxyClean will do any thing for that, but if you drive really fast on the ride home, I'm certain that most of them will fly off. These things are totally free of charge, and when you pick one up, you can stay for a complimentary 1/2 hour wrastling lesson from yours truly. Hope to hear from you soon, If not that's cool, I'm taking the liberty of putting ya on our e-mail list, that way I can send you coupons for upcoming wrastling clinics.

Do ya Smell What I'm Cooking
Tug

Noculars

Binoculars found in Jacksonville. Please reply with a description of the item and date and area they were lost.

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Dear Craig

I am in the Jacksonville area, and I used to have a really totally sweet set of noculars but I left them some place far away, I wanted to use some sort of device that magnifies my sight so I could look far away and find my binoculars, but then I realized that the only device I owned that was designed for looking at things that are far away is my binoculars. Hopefully the noculars you have are mine. I like your style, the way you don't give any hints as to what kind of noculars they are or where they came from, that way nobody can trick you into just getting a free set of nocs. However I don't know where I lost my nocs, if I did I would just go back and get them. I can give you a brief description, however, these binnies are black or dark greyish, in some lights they look brown or blue or even dark green/camoflauge, they consist of two tapered cylinders that are hinged together and have glass on both ends, also there's a small dial in the middle that adjusts the focus. Please contact me as soon as possible, as a new family has just moved in next door and they haven't had a chance to put up drapes yet.

I see you
Tug

Keep the Damn Cat

This kitten is about 1 yr old, showed up at my house about a month ago and so far no signs have been posted in my area for a lost Siamese cat...lovable and friendly stays on my front porch day and night.
I can't afford to take care of it, I love cats but have a house full already...please someone help me with this kittie.I will let him go to a good family if the owner does not show interest soon...if you'd like to be the new owner let me know.

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Dear Craig

Yeh I know that cat, but I don't want him...just keep him. You can call him whatever you want, but I used to call Benjamin Buttholes. It was an appropriate name because he is a total butthole. That cat was always causing me grief and drinking my vodka, so I say good riddance to him. I understand that you already have a bunch of other cats, but that's not my problem, just figure something out. Give him away or just give him a bottle of vodka and watch him slowly destroy his little kitty liver. I've attached a photo of him drinking my vodka so you can see for yourself what kind of a monster he is. Please do not attempt to return Benjamin Buttholes to me, I hate him and he knows it. Please do, however, reply and let me know that he won't be coming home so I can stop putting out plates of poisoned milk.

Tug

West Virginian Seeking Butts to Wipe

Charleston WV

Im a 38yr old male I have 1o yrs exp. working with physical and mentally handicapped will work days night weekends ect $15hr

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Craig

I am searching for someone to help in caring for my one legged retard. He needs round the clock care and I'm getting pretty sick of it, so I just need someone to come over during the days and allow myself a little time in my beat lab. Sometimes I might need to get out on the weekends too, so I don't kill myself or the retard, how much extra will that be?

Please hurry

Tug
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(This guy gets pretty vulgar here)

Well its easy to see your dad is the retard you speak of. Id say your mother should have swallowed you and the world wouldnt have to deal with ignorant juvenile people like you on the bright side im glad you like to spend you time tugging it thats a relief id hate to think any woman would give you the chance to recreate I would be glad to take the job watching your dad  let me know where I can meet you for our interview I would be happy to do the work you need done for free Im sure you cant afford to pay for any type of health care provider considering how high the payments are on your trailer and how little you make off the state check you get. Now quit maturbating to the pics of your sister and get out and mow the lawn and take out the trash before your moms boyfriends  come over she only makes $1 a head and you wouldnt want to mess up her income.
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Craig

I must say that I found your resume to be vulgar and lacking in any coherent thought. You did a very poor job of listing any kind of work experience, or documenting any solid references other than my mom and sister. Additionally, you should think about puncuation in future correspondense. I found a number of run on sentences, and it was difficult to find cohesion. You may want to use my letter as a template. That being said, let's get to the real meat and potatoes of this discussion.
Your assumption of the one legged retard being my father is in fact wrong, its just some random retard. My dad is awesome guy that works on Robbie Knievel's stunt coordination team, he factors trajectories and works with pyrotechnics all day. Your statement that "my mother should have swallowed me" is inherently flawed and shows that you have no concept of sexual education (ie: the sperm fertilizes an egg) Do you even know what a zygote is? Your statement of me "tugging it all day" is another example of your poor deduction skills. If you are referring to my beat lab, then you sir are "ignorant and juvenile", because a beat lab is where I construct beautiful melodies using both acoustic and engineered drum beats. In addition, there is no need to provide your services for free, I know that it must be difficult as a 38 year old babysitter to get by on a salary that is generally intended for teenage girls. However should I employ, I will have to ask that you avoid all inappropriate contact and lustful glances at both myself and my retard, this will probably be a deal breaker for you as I'm sure this job is just a rouse for your alterior motive of molesting invalids. If you do feel you can muster the self restraint not to rape my retard then I would more than happy to give you that interview you requested. I'm going to be hanging out at the Sonic Drive-In in Barboursville just off Midland Trail all afternoon sipping on Cherry-Lime Aid and slamming some tater tots while my while my girl Linda works the rush hour shift. I'll bring my retard and you can practice wiping his butt. Peace out.

Your intellectual, physical, and emotional superior
Tug

The Forcefield Shield

Jackson MS

The Mississippi Mandalorians is the largest Star Wars based sci-fi club in the south. We do so much in the Jackson area. Many may have seen us or heard of us. Check us out at mandaloriansmsd.com and come join in on the fun. We have cookouts, Light the Night, movie nights, haunted house in Oct, Boo at the Zoo, and Christmas parade just to name a few of the activities we got goin on next few months.
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Dear Craig

Oh man I am so happy to have found ya'll on the world wide intrawebs. I have been searching for like minded sci-fi folk here in the south. It would be so nice to hear fellow fans say Chewbaca, instead of Chewbaca like they do out west. How do you say Chewbaca? I'd imagine it sounds like this, Chewbaca. I am really interested in joining in some of your activities. Ya'll have sooooo many activities, I can't believe all the activities that ya'll do. I love cook outs, I call them wook outs, like short for wookies. maybe we can have one at my place and call it a wook out. When is ya'll's next event? I'm excited that maybe there will be a girl there...do ya'll make the girls dress up in Princess Leia slave costumes? I will when I'm the Sith Lord..LOL. Anywho....let me know about hosting that "wook out"

The Force is strong in this one
Tug
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Well come on and join the site then. By far the best choice in Mississippi for anything Star Wars.

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Craig

I was just on your intrawebs site trying to sign up, but i couldn't. I think there might be some kind of force field or shield blocking my computer from making contact with you. I think I might need to use a code cracking devise to gain entry. Anywho, I got so mad at my computer that I smashed it with my battle axe, I'm sending you this email from the library. While I'm here at the library I'm going to look for a book on cracking codes and force field shields, also I was going to see if they have any old nudey mags on fish film. Before I decided to write you I was looking at naked women on the intrawebs, I really get a kick out of naked women. Aywho the librarian is trying to kick me off this computer for doing that, so I've gotta run. I'll see you at the Bantha Roast on the 25th. Gotta go she's getting a man to help her now, he's not very big, but he looks wirey and spry.

I'ma get mine, or Jedi trying
Tug

Tug Gets Called Out

Roanoke VA

Women's 26" Cruiser Bike. Barely Used. Helmet Included.
Asking $125/OBO
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 Dear Craig

I am inquiring about your 26" Women's cruiser. I just have a few quick questions. What is the weight compasity for this model? Does this particular bike have a self oiling chain? What's the number of links on that chain? How hard is it to purchase after market products for this model? Has it ever been involved in any type of collision? What's that seat smell like?

Your friend
Tug
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Hi Tug,

Before you put this on your blog please be sure to spell capacity correctly (not compasity).
Your Friend
Pull
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Twoshay my friend, however the use of the wrong word was intentional.

Respectfully
Tug
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Haha...I figured. By the way, your blog is hilarious! Have a good one!

Virginia Couple Looking for Friends

Rocky Mount, VA

He's 47 and a tattoo artist. She's 35 and loves animals and kids. We recently moved here from New Hampshire and only know a few people. We are sooooo bored it's not funny. We drink sociably and 420 friendly though don't do it ourselves. We get along best with younger people because were young at heart. We like cook outs, Bon fires, floating on the river, going swimming, boating, hunting, having a few drinks with friends, going out to eat. If interested please email first. Your email will get our phone number. We live in Rocky Mount.

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Dear Craig

What's up? My name is Tug and I live in Franklin County. I'm an entrepeneur and dabble in real estate and the dark arts. I like to boat, swim, fish, tube, water ski, dive, snorkel, swim, fish, and boat, plus I like to drink with friends, especially on my boat. I'm 28 years old if you don't count the first 10 years of my life and I don't because I spent alot of that time locked up in various juvenille detention centers or in foster homes where alotta stuff happened that I need to repress. That said I'm totally well adjusted now, especially during the day when there are other people around and nobody turns off the lights on me in the bathroom. So don't do that when we're hanging out!!! I'm pretty connected in the local scene, if you ask anybody if they know Tug, they'll probably be like "Oh yeh, he's cool." I have a sweet cabin in the woods, pretty secluded and private, with nobody around in ear shot for like 3/4 of a mile. I'm a pretty big fan of tattoos, I have a really neat backpiece that says "Eye of the Storm" and underneath it has a tiger. Also I pierced my weewah. I love animals I am in the process of cross breeding the perfect barn cat. I'm kinda wanting to get a neat tat of my favorite barn cat Lilly tattooed over my heart, but Lilly is a tabby and I don't like the idea of orange tattoos, other than tigers, so I might get Leonard tattooed and say its Lilly, Leonard is less orange....What's you're professional opinion? Do either of you guys play street hockey or enjoy erotic japanese cartoons? I'm hanging at the Sonic most fridays, if you wanna hook up. Don't forget October is for lovers. Attached you will find a pic of Lorenzo Lamas and Peewee Herman, it pretty much somes up my life.Please e-mail me back.

Keep it Real
Tug

Free Kittens

Lynchburg, VA

We have 6 little kittens that need a new home. Please email or call ***-***-**** if you are interested.
No spam please
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Dear Craig

Would you be willing to give all six kittens to one dude? I can't believe my luck I also just found a free trampoline....6 kittens and a trampoline!!! How fun!!! Are these kittens nuetered?

Thanks
Tug
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Tug

They are not fixed. I have 2 others that are interested.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
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Dear Craig

Oh that's no problem, I was planning on breeding the most acrobatic ones any way. I like the idea of keeping the gene pool tight and making entire litters of real athletes. So when could I stop by and pick them all up? I'm heading out this afternoon to purchase tiny helmets, and some bejewels for their capes.

Oh mama mia
Tug

Indian Head

Craigslist ad from Petersville AL

Vintage Collectible Avon Indian Head after shave Bottle. Empty Bottle, Great collectible.
text me at ***-***-**** or email me at ******@gmail.com.
Photos to show you what is looks like below.

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is this a real indian's head? or an immitation? is it legal to carry this indian head across state lines? what is the photo for?


thank you my friend

Tug
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Is in an indian head shaped bottle. I posted a picture of it. It used to have aftershave it it.

(melissa)
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Craig


What gives? I thought we were dealing in real bonafide Indian heads here. I don't want no trinkets or flim flams, if you can't provide the goods I will have no recourse but to deal with the Swiss mercenaries, because those guys are genuine artifact dealers. If you want to get serious and deal then please contact me. Attached are examples of the kind of goods I seek, shrunken heads, scalps, even pelvic bones would be exceptable. Please reply so I am sure that you recieved this message.

The choice of a generation

Tug
 

 
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If you had read my ad with any kind of intelligence, you would have known it was not a real indian head. The item was fully described and apparently you did not read it.

And who the heck signs out with "choice of a generation?"
WOW

(melissa)
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Craig


Apparently you are in the business of wasting people's time, in the past few hours that I have spent awaiting the details of your fraudulent shrunken indian head, countless other genuine artifacts have slipped through my hands and undoubtly wound up in the possession of gypsies, tramps, and thieves. How dare you sir, insult my intelligence and imply that I do not possess the skills of literacy. this shrunken indian head was intended to be a gift for my son on his 6th birthday, and at best now I may be able to procure a Mogwai from an elderly antiquities dealer in Chinatown. You sir, are a disgrace to your trade and countrymen.
And another thing, Tug Peters is "who the heck signs out with "choice of a generation" " don't be jealous they chose Tug.

Diet Pepsi, Uh huh

Tug Peters
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Oh. My. GOSH. Have you nothing better to do with your time? And by the way, Melissa is not a man's name, so Im not a sir. And thats some gift you were gonna give your son. I feel sorry for him if thats the kind of gift you would give for a little boys birthday. Take him to Chuckee-Cheese, get some icecream and get him some remote control cars or something to play with.


My trade has nothing to do with shrunken indian heads. WOW YOU GOOBER PEA
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Dear Melissa Craig


I apologize that it has taken me so long to respond to your email, I am a very busy man and do not always have time for correspondence. I would also like to resolve this issue of mistaken gender, I am very sorry, I assumed that since your website is called "Craig's" list that your first name was infact Craig, I now realize that this must be your surname. Thank you for suggesting a trip to Chuck E Cheese and icecream for my son's birthday, however he is tremendously afraid of animatronic rodents and lactose intolerant. Please do not feel sorry for him, although he was looking foward to recieving a shrunken indian head for his birthday, the day was still a success. He was just as excited to recieve a preformance from a live burlesque show and a book on the practices of witchcraft which includes a number of spells that he is already mastering. Even though we were not able to come to terms on bargaining for your beloved indian head, I am still glad that I have met you and hope that we have a long long relationship as interweb penpals. I was not sure what you meant by "WOW YOU GOOBER PEA" so let me just that I hope that you goober pea as well.

You Got The Right One Baby

Tug

Subletting a Room

Craigslist ad for subletting a room in Portland ME

We are looking for a roommate to share our log cabin exterior/ modern interior house that is only 3 years old in Windham Maine. About Portland in 25 minutes to Portland. The house is a 3 bedroom and one bath across the street from a lake that we have a right away to and kayaks to play with!! We are 2 females that have 1 black lab and 3 indoor cats. You must be a non smoker or a strictly outdoor smoker. The rent would be 550 per month with electric, cable and wireless internet included. Last month’s rent will also be required as well as the months that require the oil to be refilled the bill for the oil will be split 3 ways. The move in date can be as early as Sept 1st and the living room and kitchen are fully furnished and the large basement has a washer and dryer.

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Dear Craig


I am looking for a room to sublet near Portland, and your's sounds ideal. $550 sounds great, I could probably afford more though because I have tons of money and I dress really well. I never smoke, but when I do it is strictly outdoor smoking. I love kayaking on the lake, and I'm hoping to learn how to swim soon. I am a man, I hope this is not an issue, if there is a concern with my gender I am willing to pretend to be gay like Jack Tripper, or dress as a woman like on the show Bosom Buddies starring academy award winner and America's favorite funny man Tom Hanks. I love cats, even though I'm deathly allergic, we can discuss wether they will remain indoor cats once I move in. And labs are great regardless of color, I don't judge, I don't even see color when I look at a lab, many of my best dogs growing up were black labs, so that's all good. It does concern me that the one bath is across the street, I'm sure it will be cold in the winter walking back to my room after a shower naked, as this is how I sleep. I can move in as soon as tomorrow, my landlord kicked me out over a dispute involving myself withholding rent, and I am currently sleeping in my Nova. Also I would like to waive my right to the heating oil as I will be wearing sweaters whenever I'm cold. I have attached an artists rendering of myself, as my religion states that photographs steal part of your soul. Can't wait to meet you.

Often imitated, Never duplicated

Tug

New Orleans

Craigslist ad for part-time job

HIV prevention specialist (New Orleans)


Brotherhood, Incorporated is seeking gifted, energetic African American Gay Men for a Part-Time HIV Prevention Specialist Position.

The ideal applicant must have the DESIRE to get things done! Reliable transportation & the ability to work non-traditional hours are required. Community resources are a plus. Be a strong team member, very flexible and able to multi-task. Must have superior oral, organizational, written communication and people skills. Knowledge of HIV/AIDS is preferred. Requires working with a diverse population. High school diploma or equivalent is necessary.

All interested applicants should drop off a cover letter, resume and 3 verifiable references to *******

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Dear Craig
I am so glad I found your post because this job would cover 2 of my greatest needs, paying for food and shelter and getting the word out about safe sex!!! I meet 4 of the 6 requirements for the position, I am gifted, energetic, american, and a man. I'm sure you have deduced by that statement that the rquirements I lack are being African and Gay. I feel that this is a small stumbling block that can easily be overcome, or I could just expose your orginization as racists and descriminators, LOL, just kidding!!! That's just me being gifted and energetic. What I DO have is a strong desire to get things done, a 1978 Slovenian made Tomos brand Mo-ped for transportation, and working "non-traditional hours" is no problem, because I'm used to not working at all. I would like some clarification on what you meant by oral skills, this could be a problem for me. I myself do not have HIV, I was once tested and the Dr told me I was negative, I asked if he was positive and he said yes, I felt really sorry for him. Diversity is no problem for me because I grew up in middle class suburbia. I do not have a diploma per say, I was home schooled and when I was 18 years old my mom was just like "Welp, your all done." I decided to write this e-mail as opposed to dropping off a resume, as I am out of state and will need to relocate for this position, do you offer relocation assistance? Also have the flood waters receeded there yet, because my Tomos doesn't do well in puddles, also I'm scared of what all diseases might be in those waters, you know like the one we're getting the word out about.

I look foward to hearing from you, and I can't wait to pick out furniture for my office;)

Regards

Tug

Gay Shoes

Craiglist ad regarding some really gay shoes

1980s Sebago Campsides Size 9.5 or 10 - $25 (Greater Columbus Area)

I am looking for a pair of vintage Sebago Campsides like those pictured here.

I will consider shoes in any condition, but I obviously prefer those in better condition. I will pay up to $25.00, depending on condition.
I only want the Sebago brand, so no others, please (Eastlake, Bass, etc.). I only want the Campsides model, so no others (Docksides, etc).

Email me a photo, and I'll get back to you.

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Craig


I have one sebagos campfire, it is a size 10 if you do not remove the cardboard inserts. I am sure that if I keep looking around my closets I will find its mate, at which time I will email it to you. I am only asking $30 for the one shoe, and an additional $15 when I email the second shoe. I am also open to trades for exotic captive born reptiles, or possibly quartz crystal rocks.

In Loving Memory

Tug

Dragon Ballz Costume

Craigslist ad for Halloween costume


My 2 yr old son is really into Dragon ball Z and we would like for him to be one of the characters from the show for Halloween, if anyone has any of them please let us know. Willing to pay, but please not too much. Thank you :)


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Dear Craig

I can't believe I found your post, out of all the posts over the entire internets. I have a Dragon Ballz costume!!! My ex-girlfriend was a huge fan of all that Japanesey stuff, she liked Dragon Ballz, and the Avatards, and the Snorkels, all of it. She used to dress up like Dragon Ballz with her friends and they'd make frozen egg rolls and General Chow Mein and watch the Dragon Ballz show while I did man stuff out in the garage, like work on cars and build furniture. Then one day she never came home and a few weeks later I get a fortune cookie in the mail and the message reads " Suck on these Dragon Ballz, Your Lucky Numbers are 8, 16, 3, 4" Anyways I'm sorry to bore you with the details, long story short I'm left with a whole bunch of this Japanese stuff to get rid of. I've attached a photo of the costume it's a size 3. I'm asking $10 for it, or I might be interested in trades for tools, dvds, or massages.

Brothers in arms

Tug
 

Violence Player Wanted

Craigslist ad for violinist



Professional violinist/vocalist with Bachelor of Music Degree to provide preceremony and ceremony music for you wedding or special event (rehearsal dinners, receptions, etc.). I have over ten years of experience performing in weddings with many happy clients. References available. I delight guests with a diversity of music including your choice of classical, jazz, pop, and fiddle styles. My instrument is a Otto Mier German violin that produces beautiful tones to reach audiences of up to 100 without any additional amplification. I am available for indoor and outdoor settings. I require a deposit of twenty percent of the balance to reserve your special event on my calendar. Please email for further details.

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Dear Craig,

I am currently seeking someone to play for my wife's wedding, this is the one job that she gave me to handle and I don't want to mess this up so I have some extensive questions to make sure you are right for the job. I understand that you hold an associate's degree in musical theory and artistry, from what school was this degree obtained? My soon to be father-in-law is a die hard WV mountaineer and is known to pick fist fights with the alumni of rival schools. I will be needing referals and testimonials from former clients, please do not just use family members, because they can be biased. If you asked my mother she would tell you that I have the biggest penis she's ever seen, when really it is only average. I'm not all together very familiar with violin makers, I'll assume that an Oscar Meyer is a pretty descent fiddle, Germans are fine craftsmen by nature. I once owned an ottoman that was crafted in Barcelona so I have some degree of expertise in this area. I'll assume that you are familiar with a large section of the Charlie Daniels music library, in addition I am requiring that mostly songs by the supergroup Alabama be played, and Radar Love if you know it. My soon to be wife has alotted me with the appropriate funds for acquiring your services, I am prepared to pay you a fair wage of $75 an hour plus food and beverage, and i am also prepared to double that and cut it in half if you are able to learn Radar Love specifically for this event.

Your Friend and Colleague,

Tug