Violence Player Wanted

Craigslist ad for violinist



Professional violinist/vocalist with Bachelor of Music Degree to provide preceremony and ceremony music for you wedding or special event (rehearsal dinners, receptions, etc.). I have over ten years of experience performing in weddings with many happy clients. References available. I delight guests with a diversity of music including your choice of classical, jazz, pop, and fiddle styles. My instrument is a Otto Mier German violin that produces beautiful tones to reach audiences of up to 100 without any additional amplification. I am available for indoor and outdoor settings. I require a deposit of twenty percent of the balance to reserve your special event on my calendar. Please email for further details.

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Dear Craig,

I am currently seeking someone to play for my wife's wedding, this is the one job that she gave me to handle and I don't want to mess this up so I have some extensive questions to make sure you are right for the job. I understand that you hold an associate's degree in musical theory and artistry, from what school was this degree obtained? My soon to be father-in-law is a die hard WV mountaineer and is known to pick fist fights with the alumni of rival schools. I will be needing referals and testimonials from former clients, please do not just use family members, because they can be biased. If you asked my mother she would tell you that I have the biggest penis she's ever seen, when really it is only average. I'm not all together very familiar with violin makers, I'll assume that an Oscar Meyer is a pretty descent fiddle, Germans are fine craftsmen by nature. I once owned an ottoman that was crafted in Barcelona so I have some degree of expertise in this area. I'll assume that you are familiar with a large section of the Charlie Daniels music library, in addition I am requiring that mostly songs by the supergroup Alabama be played, and Radar Love if you know it. My soon to be wife has alotted me with the appropriate funds for acquiring your services, I am prepared to pay you a fair wage of $75 an hour plus food and beverage, and i am also prepared to double that and cut it in half if you are able to learn Radar Love specifically for this event.

Your Friend and Colleague,

Tug