West Virginian Seeking Butts to Wipe

Charleston WV

Im a 38yr old male I have 1o yrs exp. working with physical and mentally handicapped will work days night weekends ect $15hr

*********************************************************************************
Craig

I am searching for someone to help in caring for my one legged retard. He needs round the clock care and I'm getting pretty sick of it, so I just need someone to come over during the days and allow myself a little time in my beat lab. Sometimes I might need to get out on the weekends too, so I don't kill myself or the retard, how much extra will that be?

Please hurry

Tug
*********************************************************************************
(This guy gets pretty vulgar here)

Well its easy to see your dad is the retard you speak of. Id say your mother should have swallowed you and the world wouldnt have to deal with ignorant juvenile people like you on the bright side im glad you like to spend you time tugging it thats a relief id hate to think any woman would give you the chance to recreate I would be glad to take the job watching your dad  let me know where I can meet you for our interview I would be happy to do the work you need done for free Im sure you cant afford to pay for any type of health care provider considering how high the payments are on your trailer and how little you make off the state check you get. Now quit maturbating to the pics of your sister and get out and mow the lawn and take out the trash before your moms boyfriends  come over she only makes $1 a head and you wouldnt want to mess up her income.
*********************************************************************************
Craig

I must say that I found your resume to be vulgar and lacking in any coherent thought. You did a very poor job of listing any kind of work experience, or documenting any solid references other than my mom and sister. Additionally, you should think about puncuation in future correspondense. I found a number of run on sentences, and it was difficult to find cohesion. You may want to use my letter as a template. That being said, let's get to the real meat and potatoes of this discussion.
Your assumption of the one legged retard being my father is in fact wrong, its just some random retard. My dad is awesome guy that works on Robbie Knievel's stunt coordination team, he factors trajectories and works with pyrotechnics all day. Your statement that "my mother should have swallowed me" is inherently flawed and shows that you have no concept of sexual education (ie: the sperm fertilizes an egg) Do you even know what a zygote is? Your statement of me "tugging it all day" is another example of your poor deduction skills. If you are referring to my beat lab, then you sir are "ignorant and juvenile", because a beat lab is where I construct beautiful melodies using both acoustic and engineered drum beats. In addition, there is no need to provide your services for free, I know that it must be difficult as a 38 year old babysitter to get by on a salary that is generally intended for teenage girls. However should I employ, I will have to ask that you avoid all inappropriate contact and lustful glances at both myself and my retard, this will probably be a deal breaker for you as I'm sure this job is just a rouse for your alterior motive of molesting invalids. If you do feel you can muster the self restraint not to rape my retard then I would more than happy to give you that interview you requested. I'm going to be hanging out at the Sonic Drive-In in Barboursville just off Midland Trail all afternoon sipping on Cherry-Lime Aid and slamming some tater tots while my while my girl Linda works the rush hour shift. I'll bring my retard and you can practice wiping his butt. Peace out.

Your intellectual, physical, and emotional superior
Tug