Tuglas Nathaniel Peters: Fur Trader

Online only applications will be considered.
The City of Whitehall is seeking an experienced and highly motivated, professional responsible for maintaining Animal Control and Code Enforcement in accordance with City ordinances, applicable state laws and departmental rules and regulations. Work includes patrolling City streets, locating and capturing stray animals, the pickup and disposal of dead animals, and enforcing City Codes as they relate to environmental health. Employee will be responsible for issuing notices, writing citations, and testifying in court. This position requires a willingness to work irregular hours, including weekends and holidays as necessary.
Qualifications Include:
High School diploma or GED
A minimum of one to two years progressively responsible related animal control experience or any combo of education, training and experience which provides the required knowledge, skills & abilities to perform essential functions of the job
Valid OH Driver's License
ODNR License to Trap (must obtain within first 3 months of employment)
Specialized training (i.e. certified euthanasia tech, certified in chemical capture, NACA certification, etc.) strongly preferred
The position is unclassified and considered an “at-will” position appointed by the Director of Public Service.
For a complete job description and to apply please visit *************. Online only applications will be considered.
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Dear Craig

I am writing regarding employment in the position of an Animal Control officer. My name is Tuglas Nathaniel Peters, and I am from the esteemed Province of Alberta in the great white Canadian North. I hold a valid temporary work permit in the United States, as well as two library cards in Michigan. I have received a Canadian note of educational adequacy which would be the equivalent to your GED or a home school diploma. I am fluent in the Northern Albertan French dialect, as well as Saskatchewan Indian, and I have a working knowledge of English. I hold numerous awards and accommodations from the Canadian Fur Traders Alliance for both lethal and nonlethal trapping contests and events. I received the coveted Beaver-man of the Year Award in 2006, 2007, and 2010. I have assisted the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in several manhunts for wanted poachers and unlicensed trappers, and I am hopeful should I gain employment with the fine City of Whitehall that my services may be rendered to local law enforcement for the hunt of man as well. Many of my trapping techniques I acquired under the mentorship of the Saskatchewan Nation Indian tribe, under direct supervision of my father-in-law John Redcorn. This is where I met and wed my bride Julie Redcorn who is a foremost expert in Saskatchewan folklore and the cryptozooilogical study of Sasquatch. Her expertise in this study has made her an excellent asset in trapping both beast and man. I have yet to research your marriage laws, but I am assuming that as a progressive nation, the United States does allow the marriage of natives. I am familiar with both humane and barbaric trapping techniques, and can work in either median, however I am an old school believer that "barbaric is better." I hold several trapping licences that should transfer to your jurisdiction. I do have a few questions regarding this position and your policies. What is your policy regarding the disposal of roadkill? Should I find a viable pelt, would your policy allow me to retain said pelt for bartering? How does your department stand on the issue of immediate euthanizing? That is to say, should I deem a homeowner unfit to care for a pet, does your policy allow for the disposal of said pet on the premises or will that pet need to be transported to another locale for termination? What would you approximate the number of male badgers in your locale? Will I receive a paid lunch? And should I receive a paid lunch, would I be allowed to spend said lunch hunting coyotes for personal gain? Are there many remaining members of the Shawnee Nation in your area? Does your dress policy contraindicate the use of furs? Do you offer a 401k or a pelt matching bartering system? I have taken the liberty to attach a photo of myself and some of my more formidable trappings. Thank you for your consideration and as we say in Alberta "May your saplings be Maples."

Cheers
Tuglas

Doggone Dog on Dog

I train dogs for all things. I have several dogs that can do many different tricks. several different breeds with unique looks.
Do you need a canine for your next film. If I don't already have what you are looking for I can get it
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Dear Craig

I came across your ad and I feel as though you might be just the individual to assist me. I am not making a film, but I am in need of a dog trainer, and I will pay handsomely for your help in an elaborate hoax that I am enacting on my roommate Lenny. For the past 2 years I have been setting the stage for Lenny's dog Carmine to be outed as a homosexual. I dress Carmine in pink bandannas, I make comments regarding the way he chews his bones, I suggest he play with poodles at the dog park, etc. All of which has made Lenny very suspicious and apprehensive that my allegations maybe true. Now that I have Lenny concerned and suspicious about the sexual orientation of Carmine, I feel it's time we take this prank to the next level, and that's where you come in. I am interested in paying you to train Carmine to grind and gyrate on other male dogs. This may require the training of an additional dog who must learn to tolerate Carmine's gyrations. Please understand that due to moral and possible legal issues, I am not suggesting that the two dogs actually copulate, I am merely concerned with them preforming actions that will be perceived as copulation. Before you make your decision, please realize that I am 100% sincere, and I understand that your compensation will most likely come at an inflated price due to the nature of this training. To better understand my motivation, I will tell you that Lenny and myself have spent years tirelessly enacting pranks on one another, and my hand has been super glued to 2 different sets of genitals in the past year. This prank is extremely important to me. Please help.


Your Friend
Tug

Preggos 90x

Today's mothers-to-be know that exercise and yoga during pregnancy will strengthen the muscles used during labor and delivery, help improve your current fitness level, and prepare you to handle the demanding world of motherhood. Being active during your pregnancy also helps you to return to your pre-pregnancy fitness level faster. The trainers at Body Engineering are dedicated to helping you to enjoy every minute of your pregnancy and helping you to have a shorter labor and delivery.
We offer one-on-one personal training and small group training as well as pre-natal yoga and Pilates. Classes are starting soon, and we can start classes especially for you and your friends.
All of our services are appropriate for any stage of pregnancy and no prior exercise experience is required. Training and classes are held in Birmingham, Royal Oak and Bloomfield.
For more information, please see our website at http://www.********.com/ and follow us on Facebook and Twitter. We also offer post-natal exercise, yoga and Pilates classes.
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Dear Craig

I am writing in regards to you fitness regime for mothers-to-be, my wife is expecting and I am anxious to get her started on some sort of diet/exercise program before things start getting weird. I have a few questions and concerns that I am looking to clarify before I break the news to her regarding what I will be expecting of her physically. Is this program strictly voluntary or can someone be cohersed, or possibly forced into a fitness program if their husband deems it necessary for their own well being? What if any types of exercises do you utilize to prevent women from getting "Pooch Belly"? Will your program guarntee a reduction of stretch marks and that weird brown line some women get below their belly button during pregnancy? How much of a role does the father play in your program? That is to say, will I strictly be providing her transportation, or will I be expected to attend classes and provide verbal motivation and disciplinary action? Is there a money back policy? What types of food can I allow her to eat? Should I prohibit her from making contact with family/the-outside-world during the duration of her training? Can you guarantee that she will not become stronger than me? What type of special stretchy pants are required? Thank you for your time and consideration, I hope to hear back from you soon.

Thanks
Tug

the Camera

Like new. Rarely used. Includes flash and camera bag

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Dear Craig

I am looking to get a camera for my girlfriend, she is really into photography, but I don't know much about cameras. I just have a few questions. Does this camera take panaromic shots? How much is a film cartridge for this model? Is it poular with young girls who take artistic photos of the human form?

Thanks
Tug
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Honestly, I used it so seldom, I don't know if it takes panoramic shots.  It uses regualr 35 mm film that you can buy anywhere.  Here are some websites with more information including user reviews and sample photos taken with the camera.
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Craig

I understand that you cannot be expected to know every facet and detail of this camera, but I do have a few more questions, so please just bare with me, and if you cannot answer I fully understand. Does this camera take black and white photos? Can this model take digital photos? Is there a night vision setting? Can you use this camera fo short digital videos? is therwe a stop animation setting? how many people have owned this camera? Is there a warranty? Is black the only available color option? What is the best setting and lens choice for animal portraits? Has this camera ever been used for crime scene investigation? Do you know of anywhere that allows out door nude photo shoots? Will my girlfriend like this camera? How do you know that? Can you prove it? She is from the Ukraine, we met online, how can you pretend to know the first thing about our relationship? Where can I pick up the camera?

Tug

Crouching Tug, Flying Peters

Volunteer needed in a Martial Arts School
Volunteer needed in weekday evenings 4 - 8 pm and Saturday mornings 10-11:30.
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Dear Craig

I am writing in regards to your post for a skilled Martial Artist. I have a few questions regarding this position. What is the age and skill level of your pupils? What disciplines of Martial Arts do you teach at your facility? How much emphasis do you put on Bow Staff training? Are there any refreshments that do not have peanuts or peanut oils in them? Will I receive a per diem? I have a very open schedule, and I hope to help in anyway possible.

Thanks
Tug
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Hi,

I am not looking for a skilled Martial Artist, I am looking for somebody to help with the front desk.
What is the age and skill level of your pupils? 3 and up
What disciplines of Martial Arts do you teach at your facility? Ju-Jutsu, MMA, Karate Kung-Fu and Kendo/Iaido
How much emphasis do you put on Bow Staff training? Little
Are there any refreshments that do not have peanuts or peanut oils in them? No

Thanks,

Kimly
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Craig

When you say that you need "help with the front desk" does this refer to security detail? I have several years experience with security detail, and this also brings us back around to the Bow Staff training and the importance of such said skill. I am a firm believer that any security detail officer should be skilled and extensively trained in not only Bow Staff, but also pressure point tactics and knock out potions. I am familiar with all of the disciplines that you speak of, however I feel that Kendo/Iaido is for the weak of spirit and should I decide to co-instruct with you, I would suggest we table that discipline in exchange for Akido. I will bring my own non-peanut oil refreshments, however please do not expect me to bring enough to share, besides I cook with high amounts of MSG, and that is not safe for children. I, however, have spent a lifetime increasing my MSG intake levels so that I can never be secretly poisoned by my girlfriend Sheila. Please feel free to contact me with more details, as well as a fair and just salary/benfits offer.

Tug
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Hi,

This is a non paid volunteer, you will answer phone, take payment and check in students and keep the facility nice and clean.

Thanks,

Kimly
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Craig

Two things about Tug Peters: Tug doesn't eat peanuts or peanut oils, I'm allergic, that's just a fact of life not a weakness, and two, Tug doesn't answer phones, that's lady stuff. So domo but no domo.

Tug

btw in 1984 I broke two guys noses in one week, you ever do that?

Overeating

Hi, I am wondering if anyone has any old Overeaters Anonymous literature or books or workbooks that they might want to get rid of... If not actual OA material, any NA or AA material will suffice... I am starting to attend meetings and would like any help I can get... Thank you!
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Craig

Here's that literature you wanted...Good Luck

Tug

The Hand to Hand Handyman

Karate belt holder to display your belts. Displays up to 10 belts. (originally from Lillion Vernon catalog) Never even hung it up. $10



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Dear Craig

 

First of all allow me to Ritsu-Rei, or bow to you as the code of Karate dictates. And now allow myself to introduce myself as dictated by the eternal code of the Samurai, I am Tug Peters, I am from the House of Ryu a sacred school of combat and wisdom located in the GreenValley Shopping Plaza, I am a second tier Brown belt recipient, learned under the expert training of Sensei Leonard Titacus also known as Lenny Tits, I was born in the year of the Monkey and I am compatiable with Tigers and other Monkeys, but should steer clear of Rabbits and Dragons. I am honored to find another student of combat and a military artisan such as yourself. I would very much like to find myself in possession of your Belt Display, however I am currently unable to produce the funds necessary to obtain said display from you. I am, however available for numerous oddjobs and handywork, I am experienced in the following duties:

• Painting the fence
• Waxing cars
• Picking up jackets
• Pruning small trees such as bonzais

I am a very good student and could master other duties in a short amount of time. Please contact me with any questions or proposals for acquiring you Belt Display.

 

Domo Arigato

 

Tug

 

Dry Docking the Steamer

25'-28' boat
water, electric, restroom
drive up to well
$1000 for summer dockage
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Dear Craig

I saw your ad for Dockage, and I am writing to inquire as to whether you have ever Dry Docked one? Something I am very interested in. Please contact with details.

Tug
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Tug

sorry no

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Dear Craig

I understand that you don't provide dry dockage, it seems that the more I ask around, dry dockage is a fairly uncommon practice these days. Would your dockage facilitate an Upper Decker?

Tug
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Tug

not sure what you mean by Upper Decker?

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Dear Craig

My boat is an Upper Decker, it's a 1979 Party Barge made by Cleavland Steamer, meaning that in additon to the main concourse there is a second tier poop deck. Could you facilitate my special needs?

Tug

See you in the funny pages

I'm in need of an artist that is capable of drawing comic book style drawings based on some photos taken at the Packard Plant downtown. My friend's birthdays are coming up and I think it would be a nice personal gift to give them. There are four photos that would need to be drawn. If I'm correct in suggesting the medium, I would like it to be done in a marker. Do not repsond if you cannot draw like a comic book artist.
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Dear Craig

I am writing in response to your ad for a Comic Book artist. I am very interested in taking this project on, and being a fan of the Packard Plant myself I may be of some service to you. I would need to see the photos first before I could draw them. When you say comic book style are you suggesting SuperHero/Spiderman art? I do not do superhero art per say, however I do work in comics. I have been a guest artist for Tom Wilson on the comic strip Ziggy several times, I have studied under Bill Keane of Family Circus fame in 1992 at the Comicon convention in a 45 min seminar/workshop detailing facial expressions, and I have had some semi lucrative success with my very own online comic Tuggin' Peters. I am currently between publishers and it's a real pain in the whoodily to get syndicated, so I am in need to take on projects such as yours for some extra bones. Anywho, I could probably knock this out for just a couple of hundred bucks, plus supplies, and mileage as I will need to visit the Packard Plant for inspiration. I will not be using markers, I'm thinking just a #2 pencil is gonna look real nice and lend itself to encompass some real entricate shading work. So just e-mail those photos and we can get started.

Tug

btw I've attached some of my work

Let's Swap

Im selling my house in Marblehead so we can move to a comprable house in the Port Clinton school district. I'm not sure if any PC ppl are looking to do the opposite or not... maybe downsize or upsize or just make a new start. My house is in a quiet backroad off rt 269 N with almost 2 acres, a large pool and a 7 man hot tub :) You can see all of the details of my house including pics at the following link:
*********
We would need at least 3 bedrooms or the space to make 3 rooms, 2 baths and preferrably a basement. If you're interested then call or text me (Brian) at ***-***-****.. Thanks and God bless!
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Dear Craig

I'm almost in awe of the fact I stumbled upon your ad. I own a beautiful 4 bedroom craftsman in Port Clinton on a tree lined cul-de-sac. My wife and I have been looking to downsize and like you said just make a new start. We've been looking to make alot of changes really, if you know what I mean. I took a quick peek at your listing and really like the place, now when you say 7 man hot tub, is that truly based of the porportions of a man, could you possibly fit 8 women in that tub? My wife and I entertain quite often and the hot tub would be a real SWINGING spot to relax, right? House swapping seems like an exciting and ideal solution to our needs. I love swapping , I swap just about everything, I swap chewing gum, I swap information with people I want to keep in touch with, I love going to swap meets, I swap out parts in old cars, I'm a WASP and if you swap the letters in WASP you get swap. Is there anything besides houses that you like to swap? Look foward to hearing from you Craig. I've attached a photo of the house, and one of the misses...hint hint

Your Friend
Tug

Lemme gets dat Pitbull

PITBULL
he is a brindle pit with white on his belly he needs a fence taller that 4 foot cause he likes to jump it and he is housebroken as long as you take him out he takes time to get used to other dogs
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Aye Yo Craig

Was crackin' Craig...I'ma get that pitbull? So he brindle right? That's nice, man, that's real nice wit the stripes an all. What he weigh? Do he eat alotta food? How much steaks I gotta give him in like a two day time frame? Do he come with a bed and some toys? I'ma have my boy TeeJay bring his dad's post hole diggers to my spot up here on thrusday, and we gonna get that fence popping. Do you think he like chainlength or PVC? PVC be expensive though. How much times you gotta clean hims teeth? Do he bite? I bet he try and bite when you clean hims teeth, cause he don't know that cleaning teeth is important though. Well lemme know when I'ma pick him up.

Tug

True Men Don't Kill Coyotes

I have more chili pepper stuff and wanted to be able to show pics, so I am using another listing.
1) Multiple chili pepper pictures. All are in matching hardwood frames with matting of either red or green $8.00 each - please see pictures.
2) Chili pepper canister set - color is orange with black/green chili peppers on them. Set of 3 - bought at Kohl's. - $20.00 for set of 3 - see picture below.
3) Chili pepper serving tray with chili pepper handles - very unique - matches canister set - bought at Kohl's - paid $25.00- asking $15.00 - Clay Art.
4) Chili pepper spoon rest - $5.00
If you want more pics or info, please reply to e-mail. Thank you for looking!

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Dear Craig

That is very nice chilli pepper stuff you have. I noticed that you said you have more, and I was wondering how much more. I am an avid Chilli Peppers fan, I even named my dog Fleadis, it's a mix of Flea and Anthony Keadis. So I am always looking out for Red Hot Chilli Pepper swag. Do you have any autographed pics of the Chilli Peppers wearing socks on their dongs? Or possibly the actual socks that were placed on said dongs? I am also looking for a VHS cassette tape of a 1995 RHCP preformance where the band plays a funkdafied version of Huey Lewis' classic "Back in Time" from the motion picture "Back to the Future", also they preform the whole concert wearing socks on their dongs, its classic. Have you ever seen those chilli pepper christmas lights that you put on your christmas tree? I put those inside my van and hard wired them to my cigarette lighter, then I put them on a decibal synchronized flasher so they blink to the beat of "Fight Like a Brave", I figured someone like you would appreciate that. We should hang sometime or maybe check out a show. You could proof read the novel I'm working on it's title "Chad Smith is not my Doppleganger: The Definitive Argument as to why Chad Smith and Will Ferrell are not the same Dude". Anyways get back at me with the info on your additional RHCP paraphernlia. And lemme know if you wanna come hang under the bridge with me later.

Suck my Kiss
Tug

Susan Bottom'sup

Customers often ask us if we carry the Famous "Sex-o-Pedic" Mattress

Unfortuantely we do not carry the "sex-o-pedic" mattress line, but .....
We do have a wide varitey of mattresses from Carolina Mattress Guild, Simmons Beautyrest and Symbol in Stock.
A Great Day.....starts with a better nights sleep....
A good day starts with a great night's sleep. That is why choosing the right bed should be an integral part of a healthy lifestyle. You will spend more than a third of your life in bed,
so doesn't it make sense to invest in a sleep solution that will enhance your sleep and your health?
So whether you prefer very firm or very plush or something in between, Symbol® offers you the choice of back-friendly,
sleep enhancing beds for your healthy lifestyle. Choose from a variety of premium comfort layers (visco memory foam, latex,
convoluted toppers, fiber pads, ultraloft fiber) over support systems (Omalon foam cores, enclosed coil springs, coil innersprings)
to give you the comfort plus support that is needed for today's active individual.
A Great Day.....starts with a better nights sleep
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Dear Craig

Everyday I search craigslist in an attempt to find a local vendor who carries the "sex-o-pedic" mattress, and for 6 months I have continually found myself empty handed. Heck, I myself, may be one of the inquiries you are referring to in your ad, as I have launched an aggressive e-mail campaign to mattress dealers in the tri-state area in attempt to find a sex-o-pedic model "Jam Driver Supreme" within driving distance from my home. I have been met with disappointment at every turn, however on Feb 23 as I half-heartedly searched sexopedic in the craigslist search box, I almost fell out of my suspended sex-sling as your ad graced my screen, giving me hope that I may soon possess a "Jam Driver Supreme." Yet, much to my disgust, you're ad was full of false hopes and dashed dreams, as you are not truly a certified sex-o-pedic dealer. Please Sir, I ask that you cease and desist these bait and switch tactics. If you infact can provide me with a "Jam Driver Supreme" with duraglide shock absorbers and oscilating hydraulic lifters, or perhaps a model "Susan Bottoms Up" and mounted stirrups with removable visqueen cover slip for easy clean up, then I would be most appreciative. However if you cannot produce said items, I will be forced to relay your false ads to sex-o-pedic's parent company, Walt Disney Inc.

Regards
Tug

Wallyworld

Hello! I'm a college student doing a research study on Wal-Mart employees.
I would love to have some volunteers to interview through e-mail.
If you would be able to spare a tiny bit of time, I'd love to get your opinions and learn about your experiences working at Wal-Mart.
This will in no way endanger your employment for this is purely for academic purposes. Also, because I am a student, there is no monetary compensation that I can offer you.
Thank you for reading this and I hope to hear from you!
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Dear Craig

I am interested in partaking in your research study. I believe I will find it stimulating and rewarding to convey my feelings and personal experiences during my tenure at the Superstore. I enjoy the irony of your topic, the way you exploit the working poor for our story and offer no compensation as you righteously attempt to defame the evil conglomerate who you will undoubtly attack for their unfair wage practices...Praise the Lord that we, the underclass, have a valiant young scholar such as yourself taking up our flag and fighting this selfless fight.

Forever indebted to the generosity of your Father's tuition check,

Tug
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Tug,
Hello. You e-mailed me about the ad on craigslist. First of all, I work at Wal-Mart. And love it. Please don't make assumptions about what I believe or think.
I am not trying to exploit the working poor as I happen to be one of them and am paying all my own tuition. Again, please don't make assumptions.
All I am trying to do is talk to some fellow employees about their experiences at their work. That's all.
If you're interested, e-mail me back. If not, have a good day.
-L
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Dear Craig

You snotty nosed rich bastard riding into the Halls of Academia on the white steed that is your father's trust fund. Oh how high and mightly you do preach as you attempt to project yourself, a Prince, into this pauper's shoes. But I see through you. The only assumptions being made is you assuming that I cannot see the wolf cloaked in sheep's garments. Meet me in women's undergarments tomorrow at 3:30 to further discuss.

Tug

the Houston Fart Record

(Click to Enlarge)

Technologies

So Ask.com is mostly kids trying to get their homework done in a hurry...I'm here help.

(Click to Enlarge)

Effeminate Sharks

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Sweet Home Chicago

I will be leaving Columbus on February 16 around 7am. Taking riders who can pay their share of gas, tolls. I'll be going through Indianapolis, Gary etc... I'll consider off-route stops too if you help with the fuel, but we'd need to leave earlier probably.
Me, 20s male,
No racists, sexists, stupid nonsense, good conversation is nice too.
Also, I'll be coming back on the 27th through chicago
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Craig

Boy am I glad I found you. I need to get to Chicago and my car is on the fritz. I have gas money and I have a shortcut map that skips all toll roads so that should be worth something, also I can pack us some egg-salad samiches, as long as we can keep the windows cracked. We should probably leave earlier because I would like to make a pit stop in Owensboro Ky and try to find my biological parents, I have to try and reunite them. See my mom was a dumb bimbo, so my ol man ran off with some ethnic slut, but now I got this old polaroid picture of all of us and my image is starting to disappear, you know like I was never born, so this Professor that I know told me that if my folks don't get back together I'll probably vanish. I can tell you more on the ride to Owensboro. I've attached a photo so you know what my mom looks like, just incase you see her while we're driving.

Bless you
Tug

Lenny Tits and the Magic Dragons

Our friend and guest writer Leonard Titacus hits a home run on this one
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We have a large craved wooden dragon, has Turquoise stones in toes, originally paid $450.00 for asking $100.00 in good condition.
this is a large dragon 23 inches tall.
Also have medium craved wooden dragon, originally paid $300.00 for asking $75.00 in good condition, this dragon is 13 inches tall. This dragon does not have stones on it.

PLEASE CALL *** *** **** or *** *** **** TO SEE DRAGONS

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Dear Craig,

I am a dragon lover I think that these examples of dragon art are exquisite.  I was wondering if you could clear up a detail or two.  First in the smaller example, the dragon without the stones, are the stones missing due to something like a jewel thief or are they simply never had any jewels.  How much do these dragons weigh?  Are they very fragile?  Did you purchase these dragons from a dragon art dealer?  Are jewels in the larger dragon very valuable?
 You seem like you have some really good dragon deals, its not everday I come across a $450 and a $300 dragon for $175.  I am really excited to find out the answers to my questions. 

Do you have and other dragon art or maybe even Lord of the Rings or Dungeons and dragons artifacts for sale? 

If you are interested, I have a life sized Chewbaca mask I am trying to sell/trade (for Billy Ocean or Lionel Richie memorabilia).
Let me know about Chewbaca, but that isn't a deal breaker.  Billy Ocean items are really rare.

Lenny

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Lenny
about the dragons, the medium one never did have stones is it, the larger dragon has lite blue turquoise stones in it, do not know of there value, these are nice wooden dragons.
From your e-mail I do not know if you are seriously interested in the dragons, or just asking questions. I bought them in California from a dealer years ago, do not know weight, they are kind of heavy, made of wood, fragile to some degree because of carved points on them. Do not have any other Dragons for sale, I do not ship, only take cash when Dragons are picked up. I am not interested in trading Dragons or buying anything else.
If you would seriouly be interested in dragons, please give us a call, phone number is in ad. on craigslist.
If this is spam, please do not reply back as we do report all spam to craigslist.
thanks for you interest in Dragons

Tony

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Dear Craig,

Thanks for the information.  I am not interested in Spam either and I am not offering any to you nor do I want any with your dragons.  Would you consider these statues, figurines, or statuettes?  I don't like to call people because i have a severe stutter.  It's never been treated and many people think it is hard to understand me.  That and I have turrettes so I prefer to email because I can control myself when I type better then when I talk.  Occasionally these both come out when I type but I usually have more success typing then talking.  Where in California did you get these and do you know any history of the pieces?  The other question I thought of is what kind of wood are these made out of.  Some people carve these out of drift wood so that type can occasionally be unknown.

Lenny

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Hi Leonard,
This is Tony again about the wooden dragons for sale on craigslist, these were a gift from my parents, I only know the cost because we bought them at an Art show expo in California several years ago. The large one is rosewood, not sure what the medium one is made of but both are quality wooden dragons, These are the two companies I know that make these dragons, you can check them out on line and get an idea there of the cost of these dragons I have for sale, so you will know I am giving you the correct original cost of the ones I have. You may be able to order directly from these companies also and get your dragons from them shipped to you, which sounds like it would make it easier for you to purchase a wooden dragon, one company also allows you to design your own dragon and they will carve it for you with your design, these dragons are expensive, but well worth the cost. These are the two companies I know of:  Drangonlore53.com and by Balifurnish.com
Hope this is helpful for you, hope you find the right one for you.My dragons may not be what you are looking for.
I am using my mom's e-mail address as I do not have my own set up.
I do not have anymore information to give you.
I guess you called me Craig because dragons are on craigslist, but my name is Tony.

thanks ,

Tony

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Dear Craig,

I am really interested in this dragon on the attached file.  Do you have one of these dragons and if so would you be interested in selling or trading me for this one.  I like the website dragonlore53.com much better then your other suggestion.  Balifurniush.com was awful I can't believe you sent me there.  I would never buy anything from them.  I think they are Nazis or worse Muslims.  Well I do have a 87 Camaro Iroc Z so I am able to meet you to purchase you dragons if we can come to an arrangement.  Are you willing to take $97 for all 3 dragons?

Lenny

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Hi,  we would not be able to sell so cheap as your offer of $97.00, and we only had two dragons to sell. Sorry you did not like the bali site it was one of the companies at show in California, our dragons were bought from Dragonlore company.
I think this ends our business talks, hope you can find the dragon you are looking for somewhere, maybe Dragonlore will have the one you want
Tony
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Dear Craig,

Ok, are you interested in meeting me in the middle at $98.50.  For all the dragons that you have?  That is definitely my last and final offer for your dragons.  Also can you deliver them to my house?

Lenny Titacus

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my son Tony is not interested in selling you his dragons, please do not contact us anymore about the dragons !, thank you

Jingle Jangle

Recording Studio Jingle writer/composer/engineer for The PowerPlant MultiMedia Studios. This is a pro gig, MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE. Keith Urban has recorded with us so we're the real deal. Are you? Send your package ASAP. You can check out our setup at thepowerplant.tv NO CALLS PLEASE. I'm sorry but if you call, you will not be considered. Thanks for understanding.
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Dear Craig

I am writing in regards to your post for the Jingle writer. I am very interested in becoming part of the PowerPlant family. There are a lot of other ads on free classifieds websites that I have replied to only to find that it was not even a professional gig, and that I was not dealing with real experienced men of business. I 'm glad to know that this is not one of those free ads. I knew right away when dropped Keith Urban's name that you guys mean business, cashing checks and snapping necks, am I right? Let me tell you a little bit about what Tug Peters brings to the table. I have been writing my own jingles since about forever ago, I have a 1987 Casio music master keyboard which I have honed my self-taught skills on since the 6th grade, and I have engineered such acts as Ted from Ted's Carpet Barn, and the Leonard Titacus' EP "Lenny Tits sings Rod Stewart Karaoke in the key of Sexy." If you give me a company's name and product, I will whip out a jingle like BOOM!!! BANG!!! There's your jingle!!! Try this out:

"If you need a car cause your car sucks
Then shop this carlot and save some bucks"

Or I don't know maybe something like this little ditty

"You should eat our vegetables
because they're damn delectable"

That's the Holy Grail right there, nobody can rhyme vegetable, but I just did. And as far as music goes, imagine this little synthesizer masterpiece

A# F G C C A# D D G A# F...now picture that with a pre-programmed Rumba beat on the Casio...INSANE!!!

But I digress, I don't want to get the cart before the horse here, and give out too many freebies. What I would like to do is to set up a little face time with your staff, I'll bring in some cassettes with my solid gold classics, I'll bring in my Casio music master and whip out some new jams on command, and I'll collaborate with Keith Urban to kinda polish up his vox on some jingles. If you like what I have to offer then we talk contracts, salary, bennies, all that legal jargon. Just real quick though, I need to know, Are you 420 friendly? And can I bring my friend Joey Gladstone along for my interview? BTW I tried to call about 20 times last week, and your staff was extremely rude, I don't understand.

Regally

Tug

the Pat Arbuckle/Jimi Hendrix conundrum

Let me try this again! Someone flagged me on pictures and photos I guess they dont have anything better to do? My husband and I got alot of things from a friend of ours and he said sell these items if we wanted to before he passed away to help pay some bills! He told us this was Jimmy Hendrixs! I dont know for sure and if anyone knows who this is and are interested in buying this picture for$10 call 614-783-4630 it is glued to the slate and was eventually going to be glossed. I dont want to throw this away someone might really like this person and really knows for sure that it is him?PLEASE stop texting me stupid comments like"its Pat!"

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Dear Craig

I found your post and I may have some insight as to who your unidentified person is. You see just as I was flagging your post for removal, it hit me...The people who are texting you and saying that it is Pat are exactly right...it's Pat Arbuckle. I knew it couldn't be Jimi Hendrix because his image doesn't appear on film, no one has ever really successfully captured Jimi's likeness via photograph, he's like a vampire or an apparition. RCA records couldn't put him in magazines or even on the cover of his own album since he was un-photographable so they hired Pat Arbuckle a diralect and neerdowell to pose in pictures as if he were Jimi Hendrix. The most confusing part of this chapter in history, is the fact that RCA chose a black man to represent the caucassion red haired Jimi Hendrix. RCA later said that it was all an ironic joke and they thought that "Jimi's fans would be amused because they were probably all high on the weeds." If you in fact had a picture of a Red Headed fat man in a silk smoking jacket, then you would have something very desirable or valuable, however I'm afraid that's impossible. But the truth is that pics of Pat Arbuckle are a dime a dozen...hope this helps.

Tug

the Addam's Family

ADAMS family coat of arms from England.. Lion sits on crown over insignia which surrounds 5 stars.. Under this is the inscription: "Loyal au Mort" ( Loyal unto Death).. Then name, Adams.. Shield shaped plaque is gold color metal, designed by an earlier generation of our family about 65 years ago.. It is mounted on a wood plaque, which appears to be walnut.. The back side is finished and stained, with a small circular hook for hanging..
11" x 13" size.
Large coats-of-arms are selling up to $125 on the Internet.. Shipping weight is 5 pounds from zip 43209 to your zip
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Dear Craig

I am very excited to hear about this wonderful coat of arms. I am an avid collector of all things Adam's Family. Possibly my greatest find is a pair of Pugsley's gym shorts from episode #213 "Pugsley goes to Gym Class". I am curious as to how you obtained such a piece of cinema history. I like to imagine that you were a key grip or a gaffer on set and you snuck it out in your lunchbox, was this the case? Do you have any documentation authenticating that this piece is not in fact a reproduction? Do you have any interest in trading for Munsters paraphernalia? Have you ever watched the short lived GermanTV monster-family show "Ick Family ung Boobenstein"? I may be willing to trade Dr. Boobenstein's original hook hand for your coat of arms. However, I must say, I am some what leary since you stated that the c-o-a came from England, I am pretty sure that their geneology originates form either Transylvania or the 3rd circle of Hades. Can you verify this? Has this c-o-a ever been used in battle? Would you be willing to except payment in the form of oddjobs and yardwork? I look foward to your reply.

Tug

Lenny Tits loves Rod Stewart

(Another entry by our friend and guest writer Mr. Leonard Titacus AKA Lenny Tits)
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Rod Stewart collectable memorabilia

1) Autographed, professionally framed metal and glass, what appears to be an album cover, unknown of authenticity or any other details. $75
2) Large metal & glass framed poster - $10
3) Promotional New York radio station poster with image of Rod Stewart and Marilyn Monroe, approximately 10” x 36” - $5

Call Michael at (***) *** - ****

*********************************************************************************  Dear Craig,

I am suprised to see such a treasure on the site.  My love for all things Rod goes back far into my past.  I even had a dog that looked exactly like Rod although his name was not Rod it was Henry.  My favorite song is Maggie May and Henry's was Forever Young.  Henry passed away 3 years ago on February 14.  I miss him and our sharing of Roderick David Stewart. 

I think your set commemorated both my love of Rod and Henry's life.  I am really interested in the Body Wishes poster the most.  I am curious how large it is. 

Lenny Titacus

Illegal Painting

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Triple Play

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Why your parents hate you

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Social Phobia

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Why Rob Why?

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Fun in NYC

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Lenny Tits and his Bulbous Urn

Friends

The following is a submission by the Blog's new guest writer, and friend to Tug- Lenny Tits. Enjoy.
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Moriaga Influence Hand - Enameled with gold Paste Outlining and decoration
Nipponese-Japan
Circa 1909 6 1/2 " High
Call ***-***-****

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Dear Craig,

I am a collector of rare bulbous urns and certain other bulbous objects and knick knacks.  Mostly knacks.  I reside in the tiny hamlet of Hamlet, Ontario.  I came across your listing rather by mistake, I thought I was in Ontario not Ohio.  At least I didn't end up in Ottawa, screw those hill billies in their stupid monkey ears.  Any who, I am very much interested in it but I am not sure how bulbous it really is.  I need to see if you can provide me the following details.  I want to know the circumference at the fatest and most bulbous part.  If we have this information the exact bulbousity and diameter can be ascertained.  This information is critical in determining the value of a bulbous urn such as this.  This maker, Nipponese, I have never heard of him, but his art is wonderful.  Are there any flaws such as "hairlip" or "eggshell" cracks.  Is the circle 1909 some kind of dimensional measurement?  Does the Urn have an opening?  If so
 how large is that?  This is very important to me because of the purpose that I intend to use this bulbous object.
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My Urn is in wonderful shape it has been in a glass cabnit for 70-80 years . Owned by the same family for over 100 years.  The urn has no cracks, chips etc.  The urn is dated back to 1909 .  The urn does have an opening at the top
The circunference is 19" and the opening is 1 1/2 "
I had an Appraisal done on all my pieces in 2009.
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Is the diameter the same the other way around as well?  Does the opening have a lid or is it simply remain open at all times?  Is this the type of urn that is commonly used to store a loved one's ashes?  If so how many loved ones should this urn be able to contain?  Would you have the mnister aprays some of my bulbous urns and my deceased loved one's ashes if I brought them with me when I brought you the money down to Ohio Amercia?  Can you put this urn in the dishwasher like a Pie Rex or do you have to use the hand washing method.  Do you have any other items that match this bulbous urn?  I am looking for other items as well even though I am especially on the look out for bulbous items.  I really look forward to finding out more about your urn and other knacks.    
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The 19"is around the thickest part of the middle.  The Urn does not have a lid and I don't think it ever has.  Iam not sure that you would use it for ashes or not I guess you could.  Like I said it has been in a cabnit for 70-80 years .  Myself I would not put it in the dishwasher. Very rare piece
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Dear Craig,

If you are not keeping ashes in the urn, then what are you putting in there?  Do you think this urn could contain multiple people's ashes?  If not people what about cats.  Although I do have a wife who has passed away recently and I originally intended to put in this vessicle, I would also like to combine her ashes with some of her cats and put them into this bulbous urn.  She had 32 cats over the years and because she was a librarian who saw the death of the card catalog and the berth of the computer age.  She kept the kitty's ashes in the card catalog in the Hamlet library after they brought in the computers because they moved it into her office.  If I have performed the calculations correctly, then the volume of your boulbous urn turns out to be 115.82699976713245" ( I think you gave me the circumference not the diameter).  Can you confirm this?  As I am Canadian can you convert this into Metric?  This sounds like it may not quite be large enough to fully accomodiate my needs.  Do you think you vessicle can handle the full scope of my vision?  I don't know if this helps but before I was going to hit send, I decided to try to kwantify my needs for you so that you could picture it more clearly.  I can fit the kitty ashes into 9 Dixie cups.  If you can check that that would akomodate that I would appreciate that a lot.  Also after you poor in the 9 cups, pour in one solo cup and one more Dixie cup and that is how much my wife takes up.  If this test works the way I think it will it should come to .001869 cubic meters.  I believe that the math makes it all fit, bearly.  If you can help me verify these speks I think that we are ready to make this happen.

Disperse with your derby my good Sir

Dear Friends and Blog Enthusiasts

I understand that as readers of this blog, you have all come to expect a certain standard and method for my blog entries. The "Dear Craig" correspondence shall remain a staple on this website, however friends, please allow me to introduce a brand new median for your enjoyment, and the annoyance of others..."Ask Tug"....Tug is now answering the questions on Ask.com and sharing his wisdom with all of you as well. Please enjoy friends.

Tug

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Friendgirl

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In the year 2000

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Fart Detector

( ad for a Gas Detector)

This item was special order that customer did not pick up so must sell.Check retail pricing on this item.GasAlertQuattro_H2S_CO_O2_LEL_Rechargeable_Version 1

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Craig

Is this an actual GasAlertQuattro? If so I am interested. Last month I replied to a similar post and it was nothing but a damn Fart Detector. I don't have time for these kids and their BS Fart Detectors. I have priced the Quattro and it retails at about $670, I am willing to go as high as $650...Fart Detectors retail for approx $20 at Spencer's Gifts and Gags, I will not be fooled again. Please contact me quickly, as I am looking at a few other devices that don't appear to be Fart Detectors.

Thanks
Tug

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Yes it is the real thing.Every email I have received from a gmail account has been spam.If you send me a phone number I will contact you and we can arrange for you to see it.

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Craig

I'm not too computer savy, so you'll have to excuse me, I don't know what you mean about spam...I eat spam for dinner. I gave my phone number to those damn kids with the Fart Detector and I'm still getting crank phone calls telling my wife that if "she smelt it then she must've dealt it," or if "she denied it then she supplied it." So I'm a bit hesitant to give out my number. Does this model check for methane, nitrogen, and CO2 ? All three of these gasses are known to be contained in farts....and that would lead me to believe that this model is really just a glorified Fart Detector. I must admit that I'm a bit gun shy ever since them damn kids fooled me with that Fart Detector...humiliating really. Also what does the alert sound like, does it beep? or does it simply say "ALERT!!! I SMELL A FART!!!" because again, if it did the latter, I'd be inclined to believe it was just a Fart Detector. Where are you located? Could I stop by and test it this afternoon after me and the misses go to White Castles. Hope to hear from ya.

Tug

The Acquisition of Price Blasters

Well established VIDEO Store (23 years) in Lancaster! heav
So, this is your chance to be your own boss!
Basically, you give me the cash, I give you the Keys and you unlock the door to YOUR own business w/a Customer database of nearly 15,000.
You Get!
Approx 3000 titles including DVD, Blu-Ray, Xbox
You get everything in the Store, except all items located in the office.
Inventory, slatwall shelving, supplies, counter, POS computers, Alarm, Credit Card machine.
No Land or Building contents. Only serious investors need apply via Email

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Dear Craig

I am writing inregards to the post involving your Price Blaster Video store. I have been searching for a business opportunity in your area for sometime now. I have recently graduated from the University of Phoenix college of business,I finished first of my online class, and I am ready to take on such an endeavor. I am curious as to how firm you are on your price, seeing as how you are a Price Blaster, lets' blast that price down to $25000 cash money. I do have some items of interest that could be available in trade, such as an extensive collection of old vinyl albums mostly adult contemporary titles, a mature breeding pair of Iguanas, and a heavy duty harness/swing for the sole purpose of love making. I do have several investors, and a business partner, my associate Lenoard Titacus. Lenny has some really great ideas on how to freshen up the business model at Price Blasters, such as stocking a large variety in Adult Erotica and Faces of Death movies. Please take a moment to foward me a zip file with the complete inventory of your store, be sure to include all movie titles and the condition of each disc, please use this rating scale: Better than Excellent, Excellent, Almost Excellent, Not Quite Almost Excellent, Way better than Good, Better than Good, Slightly Better than Good, Good, Almost Good, Not Quite Almost Good, Better than Fair, Fair, and Dookie. I would like to set up a date/time when Lenny Tits and myself can drop in and iron out the finer points.

Respectfully
Tug

Nate the Pig

i have a 3 month old pot belly pig for sale. he is a house pig but do what u want with him. he is litter box trained and doesent really tear stuff up like u figured he would, i dont have time for him and would like to get ride of him asap. so make a offer and come get him. i have a 40 pound bag off feed that come with him i can send pictures threw the phone, he is pink by the way call or text (***)***-**** at any time the name is nate.
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Dear Craig

I am writing in regards to your post about Nate the Potbelly Pig. I think Nate is a great name for a pig BTW. I would love to see pics of Nate, is he a fat little guy? How much does Nate weigh? How much of your time does Nate require, probably not much, right? Is there alotta poop scooping involved in rearing a pig? How long will tha bag of feed last? How old must a pig be before slaughter? Can you recommend a good butcher?

Tug

Jackassalope

Mounted head and front huvs for coat call Justin

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Dear Craig

Hey I was looking at your website, and I found that 8 pointer you got....Is that a Jackalope? I am very interested in this mount, and I would love to hear a recount of your hunt as well, as I understand that Jackalopes are an extremely elusive prey. I have been on several trips out to Yellowstone in search of a real live Jackalope.
I would like to propose a partnership of sorts. I have several large financial backers, that fund my research, and I am always looking for new talented team members, especially those with concrete evidence of Jackalope exsistence. I would like to introduce you to my team leader Dave Coulier, and further discuss your talents and abilities in aiding our research. This could prove a very lucrative endeavor for you my friend. Please respond by email. BTW...what are you asking for the mount, my boss once paid $2000 for what later turned out to be a fraud.

Tug

Kawasucky # 1

( Posted by Tug to Craigslist)
Me: 1982 Kawasaki 250cc trail-blazing rip-roaring dirt master. Completely retooled by my cousint last fall, too much to list.

You: Mid sized sedan, beach comber, speed boat, back issues of High Times or Tattoo Flash magazines, fake IDs, tattoo guns, pitbulls, sub woofers, car audio, etc

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I've got a set of brand new 12 inch subs in a custom box I'll trade?

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Aye Craig

Are them thangs like BBBBMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHH.....if so it's crackin'

Tug
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Yeah
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Craig

Lemme ask you something? Do people turn and look at yo' car like "Whaaaaaatttt?" You got any Bass Mix CDs that come with them subs? You ever had some round the way gurls? Can you throw in a stick for me to beat off the ladies when they hear my subsonic sounds. I have included a couple pics of examples of acceptable Bass Mix CDs...no Ace of Bass, please.

Oh and if you got a pitbull I'll take him too.

Thanks
Tug