(click on the pic for larger text, click again if you still can't read)
Home of the world famous "Dear Craig" Craigslist pranks, and other intraweb musings
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Lenny Tits and his Bulbous Urn
Friends
The following is a submission by the Blog's new guest writer, and friend to Tug- Lenny Tits. Enjoy.
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Moriaga Influence Hand - Enameled with gold Paste Outlining and decoration
Nipponese-Japan
Circa 1909 6 1/2 " High
Call ***-***-****
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Dear Craig,
I am a collector of rare bulbous urns and certain other bulbous objects and knick knacks. Mostly knacks. I reside in the tiny hamlet of Hamlet, Ontario. I came across your listing rather by mistake, I thought I was in Ontario not Ohio. At least I didn't end up in Ottawa, screw those hill billies in their stupid monkey ears. Any who, I am very much interested in it but I am not sure how bulbous it really is. I need to see if you can provide me the following details. I want to know the circumference at the fatest and most bulbous part. If we have this information the exact bulbousity and diameter can be ascertained. This information is critical in determining the value of a bulbous urn such as this. This maker, Nipponese, I have never heard of him, but his art is wonderful. Are there any flaws such as "hairlip" or "eggshell" cracks. Is the circle 1909 some kind of dimensional measurement? Does the Urn have an opening? If so
how large is that? This is very important to me because of the purpose that I intend to use this bulbous object.
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My Urn is in wonderful shape it has been in a glass cabnit for 70-80 years . Owned by the same family for over 100 years. The urn has no cracks, chips etc. The urn is dated back to 1909 . The urn does have an opening at the top
The circunference is 19" and the opening is 1 1/2 "
I had an Appraisal done on all my pieces in 2009.
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Is the diameter the same the other way around as well? Does the opening have a lid or is it simply remain open at all times? Is this the type of urn that is commonly used to store a loved one's ashes? If so how many loved ones should this urn be able to contain? Would you have the mnister aprays some of my bulbous urns and my deceased loved one's ashes if I brought them with me when I brought you the money down to Ohio Amercia? Can you put this urn in the dishwasher like a Pie Rex or do you have to use the hand washing method. Do you have any other items that match this bulbous urn? I am looking for other items as well even though I am especially on the look out for bulbous items. I really look forward to finding out more about your urn and other knacks.
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The 19"is around the thickest part of the middle. The Urn does not have a lid and I don't think it ever has. Iam not sure that you would use it for ashes or not I guess you could. Like I said it has been in a cabnit for 70-80 years . Myself I would not put it in the dishwasher. Very rare piece
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Dear Craig,
If you are not keeping ashes in the urn, then what are you putting in there? Do you think this urn could contain multiple people's ashes? If not people what about cats. Although I do have a wife who has passed away recently and I originally intended to put in this vessicle, I would also like to combine her ashes with some of her cats and put them into this bulbous urn. She had 32 cats over the years and because she was a librarian who saw the death of the card catalog and the berth of the computer age. She kept the kitty's ashes in the card catalog in the Hamlet library after they brought in the computers because they moved it into her office. If I have performed the calculations correctly, then the volume of your boulbous urn turns out to be 115.82699976713245" ( I think you gave me the circumference not the diameter). Can you confirm this? As I am Canadian can you convert this into Metric? This sounds like it may not quite be large enough to fully accomodiate my needs. Do you think you vessicle can handle the full scope of my vision? I don't know if this helps but before I was going to hit send, I decided to try to kwantify my needs for you so that you could picture it more clearly. I can fit the kitty ashes into 9 Dixie cups. If you can check that that would akomodate that I would appreciate that a lot. Also after you poor in the 9 cups, pour in one solo cup and one more Dixie cup and that is how much my wife takes up. If this test works the way I think it will it should come to .001869 cubic meters. I believe that the math makes it all fit, bearly. If you can help me verify these speks I think that we are ready to make this happen.
The following is a submission by the Blog's new guest writer, and friend to Tug- Lenny Tits. Enjoy.
***********************************************************************************
Moriaga Influence Hand - Enameled with gold Paste Outlining and decoration
Nipponese-Japan
Circa 1909 6 1/2 " High
Call ***-***-****
Dear Craig,
I am a collector of rare bulbous urns and certain other bulbous objects and knick knacks. Mostly knacks. I reside in the tiny hamlet of Hamlet, Ontario. I came across your listing rather by mistake, I thought I was in Ontario not Ohio. At least I didn't end up in Ottawa, screw those hill billies in their stupid monkey ears. Any who, I am very much interested in it but I am not sure how bulbous it really is. I need to see if you can provide me the following details. I want to know the circumference at the fatest and most bulbous part. If we have this information the exact bulbousity and diameter can be ascertained. This information is critical in determining the value of a bulbous urn such as this. This maker, Nipponese, I have never heard of him, but his art is wonderful. Are there any flaws such as "hairlip" or "eggshell" cracks. Is the circle 1909 some kind of dimensional measurement? Does the Urn have an opening? If so
how large is that? This is very important to me because of the purpose that I intend to use this bulbous object.
**********************************************************************************
My Urn is in wonderful shape it has been in a glass cabnit for 70-80 years . Owned by the same family for over 100 years. The urn has no cracks, chips etc. The urn is dated back to 1909 . The urn does have an opening at the top
The circunference is 19" and the opening is 1 1/2 "
I had an Appraisal done on all my pieces in 2009.
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Is the diameter the same the other way around as well? Does the opening have a lid or is it simply remain open at all times? Is this the type of urn that is commonly used to store a loved one's ashes? If so how many loved ones should this urn be able to contain? Would you have the mnister aprays some of my bulbous urns and my deceased loved one's ashes if I brought them with me when I brought you the money down to Ohio Amercia? Can you put this urn in the dishwasher like a Pie Rex or do you have to use the hand washing method. Do you have any other items that match this bulbous urn? I am looking for other items as well even though I am especially on the look out for bulbous items. I really look forward to finding out more about your urn and other knacks.
**********************************************************************************
The 19"is around the thickest part of the middle. The Urn does not have a lid and I don't think it ever has. Iam not sure that you would use it for ashes or not I guess you could. Like I said it has been in a cabnit for 70-80 years . Myself I would not put it in the dishwasher. Very rare piece
**********************************************************************************
Dear Craig,
If you are not keeping ashes in the urn, then what are you putting in there? Do you think this urn could contain multiple people's ashes? If not people what about cats. Although I do have a wife who has passed away recently and I originally intended to put in this vessicle, I would also like to combine her ashes with some of her cats and put them into this bulbous urn. She had 32 cats over the years and because she was a librarian who saw the death of the card catalog and the berth of the computer age. She kept the kitty's ashes in the card catalog in the Hamlet library after they brought in the computers because they moved it into her office. If I have performed the calculations correctly, then the volume of your boulbous urn turns out to be 115.82699976713245" ( I think you gave me the circumference not the diameter). Can you confirm this? As I am Canadian can you convert this into Metric? This sounds like it may not quite be large enough to fully accomodiate my needs. Do you think you vessicle can handle the full scope of my vision? I don't know if this helps but before I was going to hit send, I decided to try to kwantify my needs for you so that you could picture it more clearly. I can fit the kitty ashes into 9 Dixie cups. If you can check that that would akomodate that I would appreciate that a lot. Also after you poor in the 9 cups, pour in one solo cup and one more Dixie cup and that is how much my wife takes up. If this test works the way I think it will it should come to .001869 cubic meters. I believe that the math makes it all fit, bearly. If you can help me verify these speks I think that we are ready to make this happen.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Disperse with your derby my good Sir
Dear Friends and Blog Enthusiasts
I understand that as readers of this blog, you have all come to expect a certain standard and method for my blog entries. The "Dear Craig" correspondence shall remain a staple on this website, however friends, please allow me to introduce a brand new median for your enjoyment, and the annoyance of others..."Ask Tug"....Tug is now answering the questions on Ask.com and sharing his wisdom with all of you as well. Please enjoy friends.
Tug
(click on the pic for larger text, click again if you still can't read)
Friday, January 14, 2011
Fart Detector
( ad for a Gas Detector)
This item was special order that customer did not pick up so must sell.Check retail pricing on this item.GasAlertQuattro_H2S_CO_O2_LEL_Rechargeable_Version 1
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Craig
Is this an actual GasAlertQuattro? If so I am interested. Last month I replied to a similar post and it was nothing but a damn Fart Detector. I don't have time for these kids and their BS Fart Detectors. I have priced the Quattro and it retails at about $670, I am willing to go as high as $650...Fart Detectors retail for approx $20 at Spencer's Gifts and Gags, I will not be fooled again. Please contact me quickly, as I am looking at a few other devices that don't appear to be Fart Detectors.
Thanks
Tug
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Yes it is the real thing.Every email I have received from a gmail account has been spam.If you send me a phone number I will contact you and we can arrange for you to see it.
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Craig
I'm not too computer savy, so you'll have to excuse me, I don't know what you mean about spam...I eat spam for dinner. I gave my phone number to those damn kids with the Fart Detector and I'm still getting crank phone calls telling my wife that if "she smelt it then she must've dealt it," or if "she denied it then she supplied it." So I'm a bit hesitant to give out my number. Does this model check for methane, nitrogen, and CO2 ? All three of these gasses are known to be contained in farts....and that would lead me to believe that this model is really just a glorified Fart Detector. I must admit that I'm a bit gun shy ever since them damn kids fooled me with that Fart Detector...humiliating really. Also what does the alert sound like, does it beep? or does it simply say "ALERT!!! I SMELL A FART!!!" because again, if it did the latter, I'd be inclined to believe it was just a Fart Detector. Where are you located? Could I stop by and test it this afternoon after me and the misses go to White Castles. Hope to hear from ya.
Tug
This item was special order that customer did not pick up so must sell.Check retail pricing on this item.GasAlertQuattro_H2S_CO_O2_LEL_Rechargeable_Version 1
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Craig
Is this an actual GasAlertQuattro? If so I am interested. Last month I replied to a similar post and it was nothing but a damn Fart Detector. I don't have time for these kids and their BS Fart Detectors. I have priced the Quattro and it retails at about $670, I am willing to go as high as $650...Fart Detectors retail for approx $20 at Spencer's Gifts and Gags, I will not be fooled again. Please contact me quickly, as I am looking at a few other devices that don't appear to be Fart Detectors.
Thanks
Tug
Yes it is the real thing.Every email I have received from a gmail account has been spam.If you send me a phone number I will contact you and we can arrange for you to see it.
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Craig
I'm not too computer savy, so you'll have to excuse me, I don't know what you mean about spam...I eat spam for dinner. I gave my phone number to those damn kids with the Fart Detector and I'm still getting crank phone calls telling my wife that if "she smelt it then she must've dealt it," or if "she denied it then she supplied it." So I'm a bit hesitant to give out my number. Does this model check for methane, nitrogen, and CO2 ? All three of these gasses are known to be contained in farts....and that would lead me to believe that this model is really just a glorified Fart Detector. I must admit that I'm a bit gun shy ever since them damn kids fooled me with that Fart Detector...humiliating really. Also what does the alert sound like, does it beep? or does it simply say "ALERT!!! I SMELL A FART!!!" because again, if it did the latter, I'd be inclined to believe it was just a Fart Detector. Where are you located? Could I stop by and test it this afternoon after me and the misses go to White Castles. Hope to hear from ya.
Tug
The Acquisition of Price Blasters
Well established VIDEO Store (23 years) in Lancaster! heav
So, this is your chance to be your own boss!
Basically, you give me the cash, I give you the Keys and you unlock the door to YOUR own business w/a Customer database of nearly 15,000.
You Get!
Approx 3000 titles including DVD, Blu-Ray, Xbox
You get everything in the Store, except all items located in the office.
Inventory, slatwall shelving, supplies, counter, POS computers, Alarm, Credit Card machine.
No Land or Building contents. Only serious investors need apply via Email
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Dear Craig
I am writing inregards to the post involving your Price Blaster Video store. I have been searching for a business opportunity in your area for sometime now. I have recently graduated from the University of Phoenix college of business,I finished first of my online class, and I am ready to take on such an endeavor. I am curious as to how firm you are on your price, seeing as how you are a Price Blaster, lets' blast that price down to $25000 cash money. I do have some items of interest that could be available in trade, such as an extensive collection of old vinyl albums mostly adult contemporary titles, a mature breeding pair of Iguanas, and a heavy duty harness/swing for the sole purpose of love making. I do have several investors, and a business partner, my associate Lenoard Titacus. Lenny has some really great ideas on how to freshen up the business model at Price Blasters, such as stocking a large variety in Adult Erotica and Faces of Death movies. Please take a moment to foward me a zip file with the complete inventory of your store, be sure to include all movie titles and the condition of each disc, please use this rating scale: Better than Excellent, Excellent, Almost Excellent, Not Quite Almost Excellent, Way better than Good, Better than Good, Slightly Better than Good, Good, Almost Good, Not Quite Almost Good, Better than Fair, Fair, and Dookie. I would like to set up a date/time when Lenny Tits and myself can drop in and iron out the finer points.
Respectfully
Tug
So, this is your chance to be your own boss!
Basically, you give me the cash, I give you the Keys and you unlock the door to YOUR own business w/a Customer database of nearly 15,000.
You Get!
Approx 3000 titles including DVD, Blu-Ray, Xbox
You get everything in the Store, except all items located in the office.
Inventory, slatwall shelving, supplies, counter, POS computers, Alarm, Credit Card machine.
No Land or Building contents. Only serious investors need apply via Email
Dear Craig
I am writing inregards to the post involving your Price Blaster Video store. I have been searching for a business opportunity in your area for sometime now. I have recently graduated from the University of Phoenix college of business,I finished first of my online class, and I am ready to take on such an endeavor. I am curious as to how firm you are on your price, seeing as how you are a Price Blaster, lets' blast that price down to $25000 cash money. I do have some items of interest that could be available in trade, such as an extensive collection of old vinyl albums mostly adult contemporary titles, a mature breeding pair of Iguanas, and a heavy duty harness/swing for the sole purpose of love making. I do have several investors, and a business partner, my associate Lenoard Titacus. Lenny has some really great ideas on how to freshen up the business model at Price Blasters, such as stocking a large variety in Adult Erotica and Faces of Death movies. Please take a moment to foward me a zip file with the complete inventory of your store, be sure to include all movie titles and the condition of each disc, please use this rating scale: Better than Excellent, Excellent, Almost Excellent, Not Quite Almost Excellent, Way better than Good, Better than Good, Slightly Better than Good, Good, Almost Good, Not Quite Almost Good, Better than Fair, Fair, and Dookie. I would like to set up a date/time when Lenny Tits and myself can drop in and iron out the finer points.
Respectfully
Tug
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Nate the Pig
i have a 3 month old pot belly pig for sale. he is a house pig but do what u want with him. he is litter box trained and doesent really tear stuff up like u figured he would, i dont have time for him and would like to get ride of him asap. so make a offer and come get him. i have a 40 pound bag off feed that come with him i can send pictures threw the phone, he is pink by the way call or text (***)***-**** at any time the name is nate.
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Dear Craig
I am writing in regards to your post about Nate the Potbelly Pig. I think Nate is a great name for a pig BTW. I would love to see pics of Nate, is he a fat little guy? How much does Nate weigh? How much of your time does Nate require, probably not much, right? Is there alotta poop scooping involved in rearing a pig? How long will tha bag of feed last? How old must a pig be before slaughter? Can you recommend a good butcher?
Tug
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Dear Craig
I am writing in regards to your post about Nate the Potbelly Pig. I think Nate is a great name for a pig BTW. I would love to see pics of Nate, is he a fat little guy? How much does Nate weigh? How much of your time does Nate require, probably not much, right? Is there alotta poop scooping involved in rearing a pig? How long will tha bag of feed last? How old must a pig be before slaughter? Can you recommend a good butcher?
Tug
Jackassalope
Mounted head and front huvs for coat call Justin
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Dear Craig
Hey I was looking at your website, and I found that 8 pointer you got....Is that a Jackalope? I am very interested in this mount, and I would love to hear a recount of your hunt as well, as I understand that Jackalopes are an extremely elusive prey. I have been on several trips out to Yellowstone in search of a real live Jackalope.
I would like to propose a partnership of sorts. I have several large financial backers, that fund my research, and I am always looking for new talented team members, especially those with concrete evidence of Jackalope exsistence. I would like to introduce you to my team leader Dave Coulier, and further discuss your talents and abilities in aiding our research. This could prove a very lucrative endeavor for you my friend. Please respond by email. BTW...what are you asking for the mount, my boss once paid $2000 for what later turned out to be a fraud.
Tug
Hey I was looking at your website, and I found that 8 pointer you got....Is that a Jackalope? I am very interested in this mount, and I would love to hear a recount of your hunt as well, as I understand that Jackalopes are an extremely elusive prey. I have been on several trips out to Yellowstone in search of a real live Jackalope.
I would like to propose a partnership of sorts. I have several large financial backers, that fund my research, and I am always looking for new talented team members, especially those with concrete evidence of Jackalope exsistence. I would like to introduce you to my team leader Dave Coulier, and further discuss your talents and abilities in aiding our research. This could prove a very lucrative endeavor for you my friend. Please respond by email. BTW...what are you asking for the mount, my boss once paid $2000 for what later turned out to be a fraud.
Tug
Kawasucky # 1
( Posted by Tug to Craigslist)
Me: 1982 Kawasaki 250cc trail-blazing rip-roaring dirt master. Completely retooled by my cousint last fall, too much to list.
You: Mid sized sedan, beach comber, speed boat, back issues of High Times or Tattoo Flash magazines, fake IDs, tattoo guns, pitbulls, sub woofers, car audio, etc
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Aye Craig
Are them thangs like BBBBMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHH.....if so it's crackin'
Tug
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Yeah
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Craig
Lemme ask you something? Do people turn and look at yo' car like "Whaaaaaatttt?" You got any Bass Mix CDs that come with them subs? You ever had some round the way gurls? Can you throw in a stick for me to beat off the ladies when they hear my subsonic sounds. I have included a couple pics of examples of acceptable Bass Mix CDs...no Ace of Bass, please.
Oh and if you got a pitbull I'll take him too.
Thanks
Tug
Me: 1982 Kawasaki 250cc trail-blazing rip-roaring dirt master. Completely retooled by my cousint last fall, too much to list.
You: Mid sized sedan, beach comber, speed boat, back issues of High Times or Tattoo Flash magazines, fake IDs, tattoo guns, pitbulls, sub woofers, car audio, etc
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I've got a set of brand new 12 inch subs in a custom box I'll trade?
Aye Craig
Are them thangs like BBBBMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHH.....if so it's crackin'
Tug
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Yeah
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Craig
Lemme ask you something? Do people turn and look at yo' car like "Whaaaaaatttt?" You got any Bass Mix CDs that come with them subs? You ever had some round the way gurls? Can you throw in a stick for me to beat off the ladies when they hear my subsonic sounds. I have included a couple pics of examples of acceptable Bass Mix CDs...no Ace of Bass, please.
Oh and if you got a pitbull I'll take him too.
Thanks
Tug
Kawasucky # 2
(Posted by Tug to Craigslist)
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Look here...I wanna work with ya...I do, but you're gonna have to bring something more to the table....this Kawasaki ain't no KawaSUCKY...it is prestine, I'm talking it's the Kittie's Titties. It's easily worth 900 boners. I mean, for Godsakes my cousint retooled the whole damn thang...remember when I put that in the ad....R-E-T-O-O-L-E-D, top to bottom. You could be airing out the laundry like 1982 pro circuit rider Kenny Bueadry. So with that, I ask you my friend....What else you got? Please respond expeditiously because my e-mail is full of people with raging hard-ons for this bike.
Let' do business
Tug
Me: 1982 Kawasaki 250cc trail-blazing rip-roaring dirt master. Completely retooled by my cousint last fall, too much to list.
You: Mid sized sedan, beach comber, speed boat, back issues of High Times or Tattoo Flash magazines, fake IDs, tattoo guns, pitbulls, sub woofers, car audio, etc
email for more details
You: Mid sized sedan, beach comber, speed boat, back issues of High Times or Tattoo Flash magazines, fake IDs, tattoo guns, pitbulls, sub woofers, car audio, etc
email for more details
**********************************************************************************i have a tattoo kit with two machines and 6 tattoo guns i also have a little 25 simi auto pistal
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Craig
You have certainly sparked my interest with the promise of your 6 gun tattoo machine, and the 25 simi pistal is that italian made? If so that might be worth some bones. What would you approximate the monetary value of your items? I'm thinking you maybe slightly short handing me.
Side note, artist to artist, I've been doing tats for about 6 years now. I've attached photos of my current tattoo gun and some of my work...One pic is a portrait I did of Rosanne Barr on Tom Arnold's chest....they're family friends I used to date the original Denise on the Rosanne show...not the chick from Scrubs
Later Gator
Tug
You have certainly sparked my interest with the promise of your 6 gun tattoo machine, and the 25 simi pistal is that italian made? If so that might be worth some bones. What would you approximate the monetary value of your items? I'm thinking you maybe slightly short handing me.
Side note, artist to artist, I've been doing tats for about 6 years now. I've attached photos of my current tattoo gun and some of my work...One pic is a portrait I did of Rosanne Barr on Tom Arnold's chest....they're family friends I used to date the original Denise on the Rosanne show...not the chick from Scrubs
Later Gator
Tug
i really have no idea i guessing the tattoo stuff is around 350 and the gun is around 100 its a raven
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Bud
Look here...I wanna work with ya...I do, but you're gonna have to bring something more to the table....this Kawasaki ain't no KawaSUCKY...it is prestine, I'm talking it's the Kittie's Titties. It's easily worth 900 boners. I mean, for Godsakes my cousint retooled the whole damn thang...remember when I put that in the ad....R-E-T-O-O-L-E-D, top to bottom. You could be airing out the laundry like 1982 pro circuit rider Kenny Bueadry. So with that, I ask you my friend....What else you got? Please respond expeditiously because my e-mail is full of people with raging hard-ons for this bike.
Let' do business
Tug
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